Bad behaviour in children: How to tackle lying, stealing and talking back, stay calm

If you are dealing with difficult behaviour from your child, like lying, stealing or talking back, understanding the root cause of these behaviours is the first step to addressing them.

These behaviours often reflect deeper emotional or developmental needs, like seeking attention and coping with stress. It is important to address these issues with understanding, consistency, and clear communication.

The goal is not only to correct bad behaviour, but also to reward good behaviour and constantly nurture trust. Here are some strategies to address common behavioural issues in children like lying, stealing or talk-back.

• Understanding and addressing lying in children

Children often lie in an attempt to avoid consequences, like punishment or getting further into trouble, to get attention, or test boundaries. Younger children often fabricate stories as part of their imaginative development, while older children may lie to protect themselves or achieve specific goals. To address lying, it’s important for children to feel safe and that their honesty will be valued.

Harsh punishments may further indicate to your child that coming clean was not a good idea, and may even reinforce the habit of lying out of fear.

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Whereas if you stay calm, you can use the situation as an opportunity to discuss the importance of honesty. Additionally, rewarding honesty with praise builds trust and reinforces positive behaviour. Research published in the Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine highlights the importance of positive reinforcement in managing lying behaviour.

• Dealing with stealing in children

There can be various reasons why a child steals: there could be a lack of understanding about ownership, emotional distress, or even peer pressure. While younger children may not grasp the concept of personal property, older children might steal as a way of coping with stress, gaining attention, or satisfying unmet needs.

You can address these behaviours compassionately and constructively. Explain the concept of ownership to your child and why taking something without permission is wrong. Encourage your child to return what they’ve taken and apologise, as this helps them take responsibility for their actions.

If stealing persists, it’s important to dig deeper into what could be the possible underlying cause, such as feelings of neglect or stress, as highlighted by child psychologist Dr Shyamala Srinivasan in an article in The Hindu.

Modelling ethical behaviour at home is equally crucial, as children often watch and copy what you do.

• Addressing talking back in children

Talking back is often a child’s way of expressing frustration, asserting independence, or challenging authority. While it may seem disrespectful, it’s usually a sign that the child is trying to communicate their emotions or test boundaries.

Respond calmly to such a situation instead of reacting with anger, as escalating the situation can reinforce negative communication patterns.

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Setting clear boundaries is essential for addressing talking back. Clearly explain to your child what behaviour is acceptable and the consequences of crossing those limits. However, it’s equally important to listen to your child’s concerns and validate their feelings, even if their tone or delivery is inappropriate.

Child development expert Dr Neha Mehta highlights in the Times of India the importance of modelling respectful communication.

• General strategies for managing bad behaviour

Understanding the root cause of behavioural issues is the first step in managing them effectively. Lying, stealing, and talking back often stem from unmet needs, such as a lack of attention, autonomy, or emotional security.

Spend quality time with your child to build a strong bond and create a supportive environment where their emotions are acknowledged and addressed.

Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for encouraging good behaviour. Instead of solely focusing on punishing bad behaviour, reward your child for their positive actions to motivate them to repeat them.

Consistency is equally important; children need clear and stable boundaries to understand the consequences of their actions. Additionally, open communication fosters trust and reduces the likelihood of children resorting to lying or defiant behaviour.

If bad behaviour persists despite these efforts, seek help from a child psychologist or counsellor. Early intervention can address underlying emotional or psychological issues, ensuring the child’s healthy development.

The Indian Academy of Pediatrics (IAP) provides detailed guidelines on positive parenting practices, while parenting platforms like ParentCircle offer practical advice for managing behavioural challenges in children.

Dealing with behaviours like lying, stealing, and talking back requires patience, empathy, and a consistent approach. By approaching these challenges constructively, you can foster respectful and honest behaviour in your children.