'I wish I'd died...': Andrew Flintoff reveals about mental battles after horrific car crash

Andrew Flintoff suffered a horrific car crash while filming for Top Gear in 2022. (Photo: X)

When filming for the television show Top Gear in 2022, former England captain Andrew Flintoff said he thought his "face had come off" during the horrific car crash that left him with serious injuries and broken ribs, and that it would have been "much easier" for him if he had been "killed" in the near-fatal collision.

In the new Disney documentary "Flintoff," which opens on Friday, the 47-year-old talks extensively about the horrific incident.

A vital part of England's 2005 Ashes-winning team against Australia, Flintoff acknowledged that he was afraid the crash had irreparably injured him.

"After the accident, I didn't think I had it in me to get through. This sounds awful, part of me wishes I'd been killed. Part of me thinks, I wish I'd died," he said.

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"I didn't want to kill myself. I wouldn't mistake the two things. I was not wishing, I was just thinking, 'this would have been so much easier'."

Flintoff was behind the wheel of a Morgan Super 3, when the three-wheeled sports vehicle overturned. The former cricketer was not wearing a helmet when the open-topped automobile, that can reach speeds of up to 130 mph (209 km/h), toppled over.

Jahrad Haq, Flintoff's surgeon, compares the repair process to a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces and says the former England captain's injuries are among the five worst he has seen in 20 years.

"I remember my head got hit, I got dragged out. I went over the back of the car and it pulled my face down on the runway, about 50 metres, underneath the car," Flintoff said.

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"My biggest fear was, I didn't think I had a face. I thought my face had come off. I was frightened to death."

Flintoff, who is regarded as one of England's greatest all-rounders, suffered bodily and psychological injuries in the vehicle accident and was unable to leave his bedroom for days.

...One of the BEST All-Rounders ENG has ever produced. A story of pride and sorrow.#AndrewFlintoff #DisneyPluspic.twitter.com/r1SGqItnpk
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The former England all-rounder, 47, claimed that on his first morning as an assistant coach with the national team in 2023, it took him "10 goes to leave my bedroom" because of his nervousness.

"That day in Cardiff, it took me 10 goes to leave my hotel bedroom. I couldn't get out of the room," he told The Times in an interview with former England captain Mike Atherton.

"I was so anxious and worried. I eventually went down to breakfast; sat down and chatted with Reece Topley and then Jos Buttler. I had to go back to my room to get my baseball mitt and I was waiting for the lift again and heard footsteps. I knew it would be (England captain) Ben Stokes."

"I didn't really know him then. I've built a great relationship with him since, but I was anxious about that, standing in the lift with him. In the dressing room, Joe Root came over, one of the best men you'll ever meet, and everyone made me feel so welcome."

After Flintoff and the BBC reached a financial deal in 2023, Top Gear was "rested" for the foreseeable future.

However, he still harbors resentment at the entertainment society he was a part of, comparing it to his own playing career marred by injuries.

"I learned this in sport as well. All the injuries, all the injections, all the times I got sent out on a cricket field and treated like a piece of meat," he said.

"That's TV and sport. It's quite similar, you're just a commodity."

Flintoff has gradually found the drive to return to public life as head coach of the England Lions and Northern Superchargers, despite frequent memories to the accident.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be better, just different now. I'm getting there slowly," he said.

"Now I try to take the attitude that the sun will come up tomorrow and my kids will still give me a hug. I'm probably in a better place now."

Between 1998 and 2009, Flintoff played in 79 Test matches before retiring as a player in 2010 at the age of 31.