Monkey-barring: 5 things to know about the dating trend experts call 'emotional cheating'

Dating experts say monkey-barring is actually far more common (and damaging) than one might think. (Representational image: Unsplash)

If you’ve ever met someone who seems to leap from one relationship to the next with barely a pause — sometimes with clear overlap — you’ve likely witnessed a dating trend experts now call “monkey-barring.”

Here are five things to know about the phenomenon that’s raising red flags in modern relationships:

1. It’s not just rebound dating — it’s emotional cheating

Monkey-barring involves staying in a relationship while secretly forming a connection with someone else, with the intention of leaving the current partner once the new one is secured. It’s driven by a fear of being alone, not by closure or emotional readiness, Vice reported.

2. It’s rooted in codependency and avoidance

“People who do this often lack emotional growth,” Angelika Koch, relationship expert at Taimi, told the publication. “They’re constantly moving through life in a fear-based manner to avoid the hard work it takes to heal from past wounds.”

3. It’s not polyamory — it’s deception

While some confuse monkey-barring with polyamory, Koch clarified the distinction: “Monkey-barring is based on codependency and is arguably a form of cheating. Polyamory is consensual and transparent — everyone involved agrees to the dynamic.”

4. It stunts personal growth

Jumping from one partner to another leaves little room for introspection. “It doesn’t allow you to truly grow or get to know yourself,” Koch said. “It’s a thrill-based action that offers the illusion of security.”

5. It’s more common than you think — and more damaging

Though rarely discussed openly, monkey-barring is widespread. Experts warn it can leave emotional wreckage in its wake, harming both the person being left and the one being pursued.

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