Holi 2022: The funny picture

When in doubt, trust in the redoubtable Bappi Lahiri and watch 'Disco Dancer' on Netflix. (Image posted on Instagram by Bappi Lahiri)

Imagine climbing down stairs behind someone who’s wearing a long skirt and you’re about to step on it, and inadvertently you say, ‘Gogoji, aapka ghagra!’ annoying those Instagram-perfect people. Everyone else around you laughs loudly because they too have thought it but were too polite to say it…

Imagine a scenario when a friend comments on someone boasting about their college, ‘Rajput college wala lagta hai!’ and you’re blank. The friend cannot believe you have not seen this iconic movie they grew up with ("Pehla Nasha"... no?).

You go home from that office party realising that even though you live, breathe and dream movies, there are fun references you must never miss. Plus, it’s the Holi weekend. So you have to gather your friends and watch these comfort flicks. Feel free to pause the movies and allow people to dance to songs or shout out the dialogue in unison!

The best ‘punch dialogue’ delivery has always been from the one and only superstar Rajinikanth.

Whether you’re playing video games and yelling ‘See-eevideuven!’ (I’ll chop your head off!), ‘Idhu eppadi irukku?’ (How’s this?) when the kids have made a mess or when you’re pretending that everyone at home will listen to your command at one go, you have to resort to Rajini dialogue, ‘Naan oru thadava sonna, nooru thadava sonna maadri!’

Punch dialogue is best when you’re watching with everyone in the know. This weekend, watch Baashha, and yes, before the imaginary glare from Ramya Krishnan eviscerates you, watch Padayappa. If you don’t have the DVD already, the movie is on YouTube. Ten points to you if you hear the Emperor March from Star Wars in the movie.

And yes, how can any viewing of Baashha not bring about an argument about who yanked the hand pump first. Rajini or Sunny. Watch them both, I say! Baashha is available on Voot and on YouTube - Raghuvaran is awesome.

One has reams of information to share about both Rajinikanth and Amitabh Bachchan. But if you’ve just finished dancing to Rang Barse, then it would be remiss if I don’t share my go-to revenge movie starring Amitabh Bachchan: Trishul

You could say, no we’d rather watch Muqaddar Ka Sikandar, I’m going to say, ‘Go ahead, punk, make my day!’ or just let you wish that you were feeling lucky…

We grew up watching videos of Clint Eastwood being Dirty Harry on bootleg VHS tapes (hard to imagine them now…) Movies like Sudden Impact and others are best watched when you’re with friends. Just don’t get into arguments when the food arrives, because no matter what burger you’re going to eat, it’s always called a Royale with cheese.

Watch Pulp Fiction on AppleTV or from your DVD collection. But when lunch is done and you’ve washed it down with a tasty beverage, slip in a DVD and watch everyone yell out, ‘Jinki hogi taakat apoorv, jinka hoga nishana abhed…’

Tridev plays on Zee5 for you! And if you have friends who want to dance to ‘Saat samundar paar’ and watch Vishwatma instead, ask them a simple question, Can you name the saat samundars, please? If they can, then add the film to your weekend watchlist. If they can’t, blow everyone away with Kung Fu Hustle. 

You can never have too much of ‘mara mari’. But then what compels me to watch DDLJ any time? Is it Kajol wrapped in a towel? Or the fact that Bollywood can make women swoon over a chap who has failed college and wants to do nothing in life because he’s Shah Rukh? But everyone can say, ‘Aao! Aao!’ to the birds a la babuji! Or is it established that Shah Rukh makes your heart go ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai’? Both these blockbusters can be streamed online (DDLJ is on Amazon Prime and KKHH is on Netflix)

These two movies are like twin flames or as Shah Rukh fans will say, they’re the Karan Arjun of his filmography.

When you emerge from the mush, you can rest assured that you can plunge right away into the madness that is Jani Dushman: Ek Anokhi Kahani. This is where you will see a pantheon of Bollywood stars stumped by a script that you can watch only after bhang has kicked in. It was way before its time. Keanu Reeves has serious competition with that black leather trench coat when it comes to style, and I’d give my kingdom to watch Michael Bay who gave us Transformers, see a man turning into a motorbike and not lose his head.

Akshay Kumar, Sunny Deol and Manisha Koirala are just three of this galaxy of stars that’s on MX Player and on YouTube

If you want to prove to your buddies that you’ve seen Harry Potter in a movie where guns are strapped to his hands and he must kill, your friends will want to see this fast, fun frolic on Amazon Prime Video called Guns Akimbo! 

And those who have colour in their hair that won’t come off can pretend they have starred in the film… If people are animals, then you would be justified if you switch to Animal House (1978 is also way before my time!). But I would love it if you should choose the awesome madness of Beetlejuice! It’s on Netflix and it will make you smile even if the last gujiya on the plate was snapped up by someone just as you were reaching for it…

I still love this scene from the movie. And if music and dance are what makes your gang happy, turn to Bappi Lahiri and watch Disco Dancer on Netflix and everyone turns to Jimmy! The dialogue and Mithun dancing is a treat for all. Your gang needs to be then reminded that this is your home and since ‘En vazi, thani vazi!’ (my way is the only way), and seeing two, it’s time to watch Shah Rukh’s seriously Duplicate (it’s streaming on Netflix).

If you look closely, you can see a blink and miss train station scene with Kajol, the locations that seem so similar to DDLJ, you want to check if they were shooting all these movies at the same time. And you will blame this film for your tongue popping out when they bring out the cheesecake!

The same time that Shah Rukh’s Duplicate released, Mithun Chakraborty’s Gunda was too. And no one could have guessed that it would create a cult following. It plays on YouTube and sits right between the DVDs of Baadshah (the funnest gambling scene) and Sivaji (Rajini in a bald avatar).

After enjoying this movie you will never look at airports (or mad rhymes) the same way ever again. Not even when someone puts on the DVD of Jurassic Park and John Williams makes you forget that you ever heard bad guys introduce themselves in rhyme. T-rex rules the world while you slowly allow sleep to take over your world. When the velociraptors show up, though, you are back to paying attention and everyone screams, ‘Clever girl!’ so loudly, the neighbours wonder if you’re watching Megan Rapinoe making another unbelievable goal.

When the magic of the dinosaurs is over and your bunch is refreshed again with tea or coffee or even more bhang, bring out the disco lights and dance to Bollywood songs. After all, the video of ‘uncle dancing to Bollywood song’ doesn’t become viral without reason!