Authoritative or permissive: How your parenting style affects your child’s growth and well-being

The way you interact with your child today could have lasting effects on their confidence. (Image: Canva)

As parents, you want the best for your children, but it’s easy to fall into certain patterns or approaches without fully realising how you might affect your child’s development. The way you interact with your child today could have lasting effects on their confidence, social skills, and emotional well-being for years to come.

Whether you’re strict and rule-focused, laid-back and nurturing, or somewhere in between, your parenting style plays a crucial role in shaping your child’s personality and how they see the world. Understanding your parenting style can help you reflect on your own approach, make adjustments if needed, and ultimately raise a child who feels loved, supported, and ready to take on life’s challenges.

Let’s dive into the four main parenting styles and how they impact your child’s growth and well-being.

Authoritative parenting: Balancing structure and nurturing 

Parents who practice this style set clear rules and expectations but also provide warmth, support, and room for independence. Discipline is consistent but delivered in a way that is fair, and communication is open and respectful.

How it affects your child:

• High self-esteem: Children raised with authoritative parents tend to have high self-esteem and self-confidence because they feel supported and respected.
• Strong social skills: These children often develop good social skills and emotional intelligence since they are taught to express their thoughts and feelings in a healthy way.
• Independence and responsibility: The balance between rules and freedom allows children to develop independence while understanding the importance of responsibility.
• Long-term impact: Authoritative parenting encourages children to become well-rounded adults who can self-regulate, build healthy relationships, and handle stress with resilience.

Authoritarian parents enforce strict rules without much room for flexibility or discussion. This style is often characterised by a “do as I say” approach, where obedience is expected without question. There is little emphasis on nurturing or open communication.

How it affects your child:

• Lower self-esteem: Children raised in authoritarian households may struggle with self-esteem because they rarely receive praise or encouragement, only criticism when they fall short of expectations.
• Fear of failure: These children may develop a fear of failure and avoid taking risks or trying new things, as they are worried about punishment or harsh judgment.
• Limited social skills: Since authoritarian parents often discourage emotional expression, children may have difficulty forming close, trusting relationships and may struggle to communicate effectively.
• Long-term impact: While children raised in authoritarian households may be disciplined and obedient, they are more likely to experience anxiety, low self-worth, and difficulty asserting themselves in adult relationships and professional environments.

Permissive parents are highly nurturing and loving but have few rules or expectations for their children. Discipline is often inconsistent or nonexistent, and children are allowed to make many decisions on their own, even if they are not developmentally ready for that level of independence.

How it affects your child:

• Lack of self-discipline: Without clear boundaries, children of permissive parents may struggle to regulate their own behaviour and emotions, leading to difficulties in school and other structured environments.
• Entitlement: These children may develop a sense of entitlement, expecting to get what they want without having to work for it or respect limits.
• Poor decision-making skills: Since they are given too much freedom too early, they may not develop the skills necessary to make thoughtful, responsible decisions.
• Long-term impact: As adults, children of permissive parents may face challenges with self-discipline, time management, and relationships. They may also have trouble adjusting to the demands and expectations of adulthood, where rules and consequences are inevitable.

Neglectful (uninvolved) parenting: Low warmth, low structure

Neglectful or uninvolved parenting is characterised by a lack of attention, guidance, and involvement in the child’s life. These parents may provide for their child’s basic needs but are emotionally detached and disengaged from their child’s education, activities, and emotional well-being.

How it affects your child:

• Low self-esteem and insecurity: Children raised in neglectful environments often feel abandoned, unloved, and insecure. This can severely affect their self-worth.
• Poor academic performance: Without guidance or support, these children may struggle in school, as they lack the structure and encouragement needed to succeed.
• Behavioural issues: Children who receive little attention from their parents may act out in an attempt to gain attention or express their unmet emotional needs.
• Long-term impact: Children raised by neglectful parents are at a higher risk for mental health issues, including depression and anxiety. They may also struggle with forming healthy relationships and maintaining stability in their personal and professional lives.

If you find yourself leaning too far into one style, it’s never too late to make changes.

• For authoritative parents: Keep doing what you’re doing! Continue to balance rules with warmth and support, and maintain open communication with your child.
• For authoritarian parents: Try to soften your approach by listening more to your child’s feelings and opinions. Give them room to express themselves and learn from their mistakes in a supportive environment.
• For permissive parents: Introduce more structure and clear boundaries to help your child develop responsibility and self-discipline while maintaining your nurturing presence.
• For neglectful parents: It’s important to become more involved in your child’s life. Establish routines, show interest in their activities, and be available for emotional support.