‘I was depressed, angry, was performing, but…’: Amit Mishra on his start-stop international career

Amit Mishra opens up on his international career.

Amit Mishra, a seasoned leg-spinner who said goodbye to a 25-year career in professional cricket on Thursday, disclosed that he battled depression after missing five years of action after making his debut and wished he had made his comeback sooner.

Mishra made his ODI debut against South Africa at the TVS Cup in Dhaka, 2003. He had a modest appearance, bowling five overs, taking Neil McKenzie's lone wicket and coming back with figures of 1/29. After making his debut, Mishra disappeared from the scene for around six months. Anil Kumble and Harbhajan Singh were at the height of their powers, and the room was too small for Mishra to carve out a space for himself.

He eventually made a comeback to the international circuit as Kumble was recovering from an injury and had a fantastic start to his Test career. He became just the sixth Indian player to take five wickets in his debut when he took seven in his first Test match against Australia in Mohali in 2008.

Mishra took the first step towards becoming India's first-choice leg-spinner by outplaying Australian batting heavyweights Shane Watson, Simon Katich, Michael Clarke, and others with his classical, attacking leg-spin.

He doesn't regret missing the five years of action, but he still wishes he could have played more games for India if his comeback had occurred sooner.

"After my debut, there was a 5-year gap in my career. If it wasn't there, I could have played more matches. I made my debut in Bangladesh in a One-Day match in 2003. After that, there was a 5-year gap. I couldn't return to the Indian team in five years. I was performing and doing everything. But I can't say regret. I can say that if I had made my comeback earlier, 3-4 years ago or two years ago, then I could have played more matches and performed better. So, that's one thing. There is no regret," Mishra exclusively told ANI.

Mishra worked hard for Haryana in the domestic league during his five years of exile in an attempt to influence the selectors. His only goal was to perform, even if those around him didn't believe in his abilities.

After a soliloquy, he had insight that helped him get through the difficult time and ultimately compelled him to return.

"Whenever I got a chance, I performed. Even though I played in such a big league, played in such big places, played all over the world, I proved myself there. I performed there when people didn't believe in me. After that, every team started to keep two left-spinners in their team. So, I am really happy with my career. Yes, there were ups and downs in my career," he added.

Mishra has no regrets over twenty years after his debut.  He first battled depression for over a year, but he managed to stay inspired even when there were still doubts about his ability to return. He turned his attention to loving the game and strengthening his areas of weakness, such as his batting and level of fitness.

"But I have no regrets. I gave my 100 per cent whenever I got a chance. And I always proved what I was told. I focused on performing. Although I was depressed for 1-1.5 years. I was angry. I was performing. At that time, it was a little limited. But I was a little worried. But after 1-2 years, I talked to myself. I said, I want to play cricket. I am playing cricket. And I am performing," he said.

"So, how can I enhance this? What else can I add to my cricket? How can I improve my small performance? So, I started to pay attention to those things. I started talking to myself. I asked myself what improvements I have made. So, a person who loves cricket should never be depressed. Now, you have more options. So, I started to pay attention to that. I started to enjoy cricket and I got motivated," he added.

While wearing the Indian jersey, Mishra made 68 appearances in all forms and claimed 156 wickets. He nevertheless played a crucial role for Haryana in the Indian domestic circuit and became one of the IPL's all-time leading wicket-takers.