Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan review: Salman Khan’s ‘Veeram’ remake is excruciating

Salman Khan in 'Kisi ka Bhai Kisi ki Jaan', which released in theatres on Eid day (April 21, 2023). (Image source: Screen grab/Salman Khan films)

When Ajith’s Veeram came out in 2014, it already felt anachronistic. The Tamil film was about an older brother who is determined to be a bachelor, and instructs his four younger brothers never to marry – the reason being that the brides could cause a divide amongst them. If Veeram did well despite its ludicrous premise and Siva’s characteristically loud direction, it’s thanks to Ajith’s loyal fanbase and some fun scenes that the star pulled off with his swag and comic timing. What was the need to remake this in 2023? Never mind, that was a rhetorical question.

Farhad Samji’s version of Veeram isn’t a frame-by-frame remake but that doesn’t mean it comes off as fresh or original. If Veeram had five brothers, Kisi Ka Bhai Kisi Ki Jaan has only four. This doesn’t make any difference since the brothers have nothing to do other than weep at the thought of how much their older brother loves them. In Kisi Ka Bhai, the bhai is SO loving that it doesn’t occur to his younger brothers that they don’t even know his name until someone asks them. Everyone just calls him ‘Bhaijaan’. Is he Bhaijaan on his Aadhaar card and bank account, too? Such questions should not be asked in a movie where nothing is realistic, including Salman Khan’s VFX-enhanced abs.

The younger brothers do have names, and they are Love (Siddharth Nigam), Ishq (Raghav Juyal) and Moh (Jassie Gill). Amazingly, they find women who are deluded enough to fall in love with them. But unless Bhaijaan allows it, they have to stay bachelors. In Veeram, Siva threw in a sentimental childhood scene about the big bhai drinking endless glasses of tea and giving all his food to his younger brothers to convince the audience that the brothers are right to obey his draconic rules. Samji amplifies the melodrama with a ‘twist’ that’s as old as dinosaur bones – of course, all these brothers are orphans fostered by big bhai. The ‘poor orphan’ trope is so done to death that unless someone chops a kilo of onions in the theatre, nobody is going to sniffle.

The actors don’t look remotely convinced by anything that’s happening. Kisi Ka Bhai is mostly shot in one set that’s supposed to be a street in Delhi, and another set that’s a sprawling bungalow in Hyderabad. Everything gives off a distinctly plastic vibe, and not for one moment do you suspend disbelief. So, when Salman Khan leaps onto the screen with long hair and the body count piles up, it looks more like a shampoo commercial than a film that’s trying to draw you into the story. For that matter, Kisi Ka Bhai might well be a feature-length commercial, seeing as it is full of brand placements – from Pepsi to PVR and Salman Khan’s own brands, Being Human and Being Strong (I might have missed a few, being bored).

Pooja Hegde is charming but she seems to be signing one dud after another. In Kisi Ki Bhai, the 32-year-old actor is required to romance the 57-year-old Khan while reciting lines from the Bhagavad Gita. Is it normal for people to get the hots for each other when reading from religious texts? In the world of Kisi Ka Bhai, it’s all kosher.

Bollywood doesn’t have a stellar record in representing South Indians, and Samji tries to hammer in every stereotype possible. Hegde’s Bhagya is a ‘South Indian’ (she’s Telugu, to be specific), and she demonstrates this to Bhaijaan by acting like how ‘South Indians’ behave when they are angry, in love, or emotional. If you thought Shah Rukh Khan eating noodles with curd in Ra.One (2011) was the pits, wait till you watch this. And oh, lest we forget the infamous ‘Lungi Dance’ from Chennai Express (2013), the ‘Yentamma’ song has a bunch of stars wearing the pancha/dhoti and calling it the lungi. Sigh.

Also read: Kisi ka Bhai Kisi ki Jaan | Why Salman Khan's stardom never seems to fade

The screenplay of Kisi Ka Bhai is one lazy scene stacked upon another, to a point when you wonder if the film is actually a spoof. Khan’s punch lines like ‘Insaniyat mein bada dum, Vande Mataram’ or punch ‘essays’ like ‘Whenever a violent man goes after a non-violent man, a very violent man will come to the need of the non-violent man’ simply don’t land. They float in the air and give you second-hand embarrassment. He’s better at landing punches, and it’s the only time when he doesn’t look completely robotic.

Daggubati Venkatesh plays ‘Annayya’, Bhagya’s ‘non-violent’ brother. In Veeram, it’s a ‘non-violent’ father who has to be convinced about the love between the two, but in a film revolving around ‘bhaijaan’, the more bhais the better. Venkatesh gets to exercise some muscles and display his heroics, with Jagapathi Babu, the constant villain of ‘south wali’ movies,  pitted against him. Babu is a talented actor but is often reduced to growling and prowling on screen like he’s a member of a cat species, and Kisi Ka Bhai is no different.

The songs are mediocre and only serve to make an already tiring film longer than it needs to be. Characters come and go, uttering inane dialogues and leaving zero impact. Bhagyashree’s cameo only serves to remind the viewer that while her career as a heroine is done and dusted, Khan continues to sing duets with women half his age. Maybe it’s time to stop, bhaijaan?
Nobody in their right mind was expecting Kisi Ka Bhai to be logical – that’s too big an ask – but the bare minimum was that a film of this genre is entertaining. And it certainly isn’t. This masala is well past the sell-by date and deserves to be trashed.