Why are people angry on social media but sociable in offline gatherings?

After months of staying at home during the pandemic, many curmudgeons were forced to admit they miss human company.

A rictus of distaste.

The phrase is used in Kiran Nagarkar’s book Ravan & Eddie. It is used to describe the permanent sourness of a man in the story.

Ravan & Eddie is a delightful novel, proof that good art need not be boring. The book has capers, unabashed carnality, bawdy humour, things that many of us enjoy, irrespective of gender, but don’t always admit to. Importantly, these ingredients are not force-fitted into the story. They ring true to the characters and the milieu of the novel.

Among the many memorable parts of the book, the phrase ‘rictus of distaste’ stands out. To many of us who grew up at a time when male elders were often bigoted losers, it nailed the expression we saw on their faces. Their rictus of distaste appeared to be their disappointment in others, but in truth it was largely a manifestation of their self-hatred.

A few years ago, the late Anil Dharker held a generous party, courtesy sponsors, of course, at Rendezvous, the rooftop banquet arena at Taj Mumbai, to announce a literature festival. Nagarkar was present. As he stood near the food counters, I walked up to him and told him I liked Ravan & Eddie, and the expression ‘rictus of distaste’. He seemed pleased at the mention of something specific as against a generic compliment.

These days the phrase comes to mind when you see the toxicity on Twitter. Everybody seems to be angry on Twitter. It has become a place to make a point or send updates to the world of your professional relevance, yes, but also where you go when you want to shout and scream. Feel a rictus of distaste coming on your face? Login on Twitter. By comparison, Facebook and Instagram, for all their other ills, seem friendlier neighbourhoods.

Some Twitter users have legitimized inter-personal hatred under the garb of being ‘brutally honest’. But is life always about being brutally honest? Surely, it is better with some warmth and connection. Also, please be ‘brutally honest’ to those that deserve it, or on an issue that is serious, not to somebody with just a different viewpoint, or a different favourite athlete. Besides, the truth is trolls themselves secretly desire some love. The ‘I’m-a-lone-wolf-I-don’t-care’ act is often a façade, or ignorance.

The big change from life before social media and after is that earlier, the default setting was to connect with each other. Now the default setting is to be cold to each other. There is a fine line between naivete and civility which can easily be achieved by most of us, but even that is seen with cynicism now. The one good thing the pandemic has done is that it has forced many curmudgeons to climb down their high horse and admit they miss human company.

A few days ago there was a lunch organized by the watch brand Panerai in Mumbai. It was a brief, pleasant afternoon. It had just the right amount of conversation, food and drink. One wondered why the hostility of social media is often absent in face to face gatherings. It is possible that the reason is we are simply happier when we socialize than when we are on our screens.