How to deal with snide colleagues

Working with snarky or sarcastic people can be very trying. But when should you laugh it off and when should you pull them up on it?

How does this behaviour manifest itself?

"One kind [of behaviour] is snide comments in meetings; another is talking behind your back," says Arabella Ellis of leadership consultancy The Thinking Partnership. "But it can also be body language. When people sit horizontally on chairs, it's a sign of insubordination."

Ms Ellis adds that these individual acts are often quite small, making it difficult to do anything about them. "But they can be quite insidious and they do pile up, so if there is a problem you should probably act sooner rather than later."

Where do I start?

"Understand why it happens and what you can do about it," says Blaire Palmer, chief executive of coaching consultancy That People Thing. "It is usually based on a lack of confidence. Sometimes the person is trying to be funny, but even then it can be an effort to deflect attention away from themselves and can be a sign of discomfort when the discussion gets serious."

She adds that, at the more serious end of the spectrum, this behaviour might be deliberate and political - and the intention could be to undermine your standing.

What can I do about it?

If the person is merely an annoying class clown you may just decide to take it on the chin. "Sometimes just realising that they are doing it because they feel threatened or insecure is enough," says Robert Kelsey, author of What's Stopping You Being More Confident? "Develop your compassion and instead of looking at the impact they have on you, look at the impact you have on them."

However, the behaviour may be too serious to ignore. "Here, don't let yourself be pushed into telling them off," says Ms Ellis. "At work a lot of people play out the relationships they had with parents and teachers. Do not be the parent. Rather be an adult. . . Most people will change if they feel they are being listened to."

The person in question may not even realise they're doing it, says Ms Palmer. "It may come as a total surprise to them. Sometimes - particularly if they're joking about everything - being told not to be funny all the time can be a relief."

What about the longer term?

If it's merely annoying, Mr Kelsey says you can develop different kinds of coping strategies. "Rude people or egotistical people are easier. With the former, just set boundaries, with the latter people, recognise their ego has needs. You might also develop a kind of ironic riposte . . . If there's no way you can make them change their behaviour, then you can still change your reaction."

Ms Ellis adds that you should take care of your own reputation. "Identify people who need to think well of you and ensure they know the smart alec is not to be believed."

The writer is author of 'The Careerist: Over 100 ways to get ahead at work'

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