How to build self-esteem: Be kind to yourself, no negative talk and focus on small, achievable goals

If you struggle with low self-esteem, are constantly being self-critical and talking yourself down, some simple strategies can help you become more confident and help you value yourself more.

Being kind to yourself, replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, and surrounding yourself with people who value and support you can help you change your outlook about yourself and build self-worth. Remember, focusing on progress, not perfection, will help you build self-confidence and self-worth.

Here are practical steps to help you strengthen your self-esteem and improve your self-confidence.

• Practice self-compassion

People find it easier to be kinder to other people but not to themselves. Self-compassion, especially during moments when you face failure or self-doubt, is important to build self-esteem and for overall mental well-being, as also suggested in the journal Self and Identity.

Instead of being critical of yourself, try to treat yourself with the same understanding you would offer a friend.

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• Set achievable goals

Setting small, achievable goals can give you a sense of accomplishment and competence. Break down larger goals into manageable ones, and celebrate every achievement, no matter how small.

A study published in American Psychologist supports the importance of goal-setting in building self-efficacy and enhancing self-worth. Focus on progress, not perfection.

• Challenge negative thoughts

Talking yourself down is the worst thing you can do for your self-esteem. Recognize when you’re having unhelpful thoughts, and try to replace them with positive affirmations or constructive self-reflection.

The paper Cognitive therapy and the emotional disorders highlights the effectiveness of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) in addressing negative thought patterns that impact self-esteem.

• Focus on your strengths

Identify your strengths and talents and find ways to use them in your daily life. Whether it’s through work, hobbies, or helping others, focusing on what you do well can improve self-esteem and give you a greater sense of purpose.

The American Psychological Association emphasises using personal strengths for increasing self-esteem.

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• Take care of your physical health

Exercise, sleep, and a balanced diet can all contribute to better self-esteem. Physical health has a direct impact on mental well-being, and feeling good physically can boost confidence and self-image. Studies, including ones published in the International Journal of Sport Psychology, suggest that regular exercise can improve self-esteem by reducing stress and increasing endorphins.

• Surround yourself with supportive people

The people around you have a significant impact on your self-esteem. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology highlights how supportive relationships play a crucial role in maintaining self-esteem over a lifetime.

Surround yourself with positive, encouraging people who appreciate and value you.

• Learn a new skill or hobby

Learning something new can give you a sense of accomplishment and boost self-confidence. Whether it’s a creative hobby, sport, or skill, exploring new interests expands your abilities and adds to your sense of self-worth.

• Practice gratitude

Gratitude can improve your outlook on life and help you focus on the positive. Keeping a gratitude journal or reflecting on things you’re thankful for can shift your focus from self-criticism to self-appreciation. Studies indicate that gratitude is linked to increased life satisfaction and self-esteem.

• Embrace failure as part of growth

Everyone faces setbacks, but viewing them as an opportunity to learn can help strengthen your self-esteem. Embrace failure and understand that it’s a part of growth. In Mindset: The new psychology of success, C. S. Dweck emphasizes how embracing failure can build resilience and self-confidence.

• Celebrate your achievements

Acknowledge your accomplishments, whether big or small. Taking time to celebrate your successes can reinforce a positive self-image and build self-esteem over time.

Building self-esteem is a continuous process that requires patience and self-compassion. Remember, self-esteem isn’t about being perfect but about valuing yourself as you are.