Children don’t need perfect parents, they need authentic love they can trust, says parenting coach

Children aren’t “difficult” — they’re responding to emotional cues. Dr Saakshi Singla explains how vulnerability and honesty help build lasting trust. (Image: Pexels)

It’s often observed in child and parent psychology that the smallest cracks children carry can go unseen by the very parents who love them most. A boy hiding his anger, a girl bending herself to match her mother’s mood, these children aren’t “difficult.” They’re learning to survive the masks their parents wear.

Children often signal their struggles through subtle behaviours rather than words. Some children sulk when scolded, others feel awkward at social gatherings. Calling children ‘difficult’ is unfair, says Dr Saakshi Singla, a trauma-informed parenting and relationship coach, Delhi. She explains, “They aren’t “difficult”; they are learning to understand the emotional cues around them, hiding their true feelings to maintain safety or harmony.” She tells Moneycontrol that paying attention to these small, often invisible signs can help parents respond with empathy rather than frustration.

Society keeps telling parents that success is measured in milestones, trophies, and perfectly curated memories. But children don’t trust perfection, they trust authenticity. “They notice inconsistency, performative gestures, or hollow promises. In parenting, as in life, children are silently asking themselves, can I trust you to see me, even when I’m messy or angry?”

Also Read: 10 common parenting mistakes we all make out of love or fear, according to a child psychologist

When parents hide frustration or present a flawless front, children absorb the unspoken message that feelings must be hidden. “Slowly, this creates a cycle where children suppress emotions, fearing judgment or withdrawal of love, rather than learning that vulnerability and authenticity are safe and valued.”

Vulnerability helps to build trust, opines Dr Singla. “Mothers may feel guilty showing frustration, fathers may hide uncertainty behind stoicism. But vulnerability doesn’t diminish authority, it builds trust.”

• Showing tiredness or admitting confusion teaches children that mistakes are okay.
• Emotional honesty models resilience and empathy.

Also Read: Child psychologist shares 7 gentle parenting tips that can definitely make the difference

Authenticity is important: 

• Children are attuned to authenticity; they know when someone is pretending.
• Being emotionally real fosters unconditional love and trust.
• Trust is earned not through perfect behaviour, achievements, or routines, but through being genuinely present.
• Parents who show their humanity teach children that vulnerability is strength, and love doesn’t need to be earned.