Book Extract |The Mindfulness Survival Kit: Five Essential Practices by Thich Naht Hahn

The Third Mindfulness Training, which helps us practice love and understanding for others and ourselves, is the basis for practicing loving speech and deep listening.

Book Extract

Excerpted with permission from The Mindfulness Survival Kit: Five Essential Practices by Thich Naht Hahn, published by Aleph Book Company.

Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully, using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.

The Third Mindfulness Training, which helps us practice love and understanding for others and ourselves, is the basis for practicing loving speech and deep listening. Often, our anger and irritation get in the way of our being able to use loving speech, and we speak in a way that causes harm to our family, community, and coworkers.
The Fourth Mindfulness Training focuses on Right Speech and deep listening because we can only understand another person when we’re able to truly listen to them. When we can listen to others with deep compassion, we can understand their pain and difficulties. This helps us feel calm and receptive and it’s easy for us to talk with them using loving speech. Loving speech is an essential tool when we want to build a community that’s a healing and loving refuge for people.

It’s helpful if, before speaking, you’ve practiced being able to listen well. You can begin to practice this on your own by listening to yourself in your meditation. Listening deeply to another is also a form of meditation. We follow our breathing and practice concentration and we learn things about the other person that we never knew before. When we practice deep listening, we can help the person we’re listening to remove the perceptions that are making her suffer. We can restore harmony in our partnerships, our friendships, our family, our community, our nation, and between nations. It is that powerful.

Sometimes when we attempt to listen to another person, we can’t hear them because we haven’t listened to ourselves. Our own strong emotions and thoughts are so loud in us, crying out for our attention, that we can’t hear the other person. We think that what they’re saying only confirms or contradicts our own thoughts and emotions. Therefore, before we listen to another, we need to spend time listening to ourselves. We can sit with ourselves, come home to ourselves, and listen to what emotions rise up, without judging or interrupting them. We can listen to whatever thoughts come up as well, and then let them pass without holding on to them. Then, when we’ve spent some time listening to ourselves, we can listen to those around us.

When you practice compassionate listening, it’s important to remember that you listen with only one purpose, and that is to help the other person to suffer less. You give the other person a chance to say what is in his heart. Even if the other person says something harsh, provocative, or incorrect, you still continue to listen with compassion.

You’re able to do that because as you sit and listen you are practicing mindfulness of compassion. During the whole time of listening, you practice mindful breathing and remind yourself, “I am listening to him with only one purpose, to give him a chance to empty his heart and to suffer less. I may be the first person who has listened to him like this. If I were to interrupt him and correct him, that would transform the session into a debate and I would fail in my practice. Even if there are misperceptions and wrong information in what he says, I’m not going to interrupt him and correct him. In a few days I may offer him some information to help him correct his perceptions, but not now.”

If you can maintain this mindfulness of compassion alive in your heart during the time of listening, then you’re protected by the energy of compassion, and what the other person says won’t touch off the energy of irritation and anger in you. In that way, you can listen for an hour or more, and the quality of your listening will help the other person to suffer less.

When people listen to each other like that, they truly recognize the humanity and the suffering of the other person. You see the other person is a human being, someone very much like yourself. You no longer look at that person with suspicion, anger, or fear. And when it’s your turn to speak, you can easily practice using loving speech.

After listening to the other, and only at a time when that person is ready to listen, we can practice loving speech. Loving speech is not something we only use in a relationship or with close family and friends. You can practice loving speech every time you speak.

So much harm is caused by wrong speech. The First Mindfulness Training is about not causing violence and not killing. Violence can be caused by our speech, not just by our physical actions. Buddhist texts mention four kinds of wrong speech: lying; exaggerating or embellishing the truth; speaking in order to cause division; insulting and speaking badly about others. These are all forms of incorrect speech that can cause serious violence and harm.

Lying also includes twisting the truth or saying what’s partially true. Exaggerating means intentionally making something out to be greater or more extreme than it was. For example if something isn’t particularly beautiful you say it’s tremendously ugly. We add and embellish or we invent details so that it sounds more interesting and people will want to listen, but this kind of speech can lead to misunderstanding and distrust. Divisive speech means that we talk to someone in such a way that makes him dislike someone else. Or we speak of the same thing differently to different people, in a way that creates misunderstanding.

We have to practice speaking the truth and speaking it skillfully. Otherwise, we may say something that we think is truthful but that might make others suffer or despair. Telling the truth unskillfully is not wholesome or helpful behavior. Just because we’ve observed or experienced something doesn’t mean we should speak about it if doing so will make others suffer. For instance, if we have to give someone some bad news, the other person may become so depressed by our news that they’re unable to function. A doctor or nurse needs to be compassionate and very skillful in not creating unnecessary fear in a patient or the loved ones of a patient. If we see that someone is putting on a lot of weight, we don’t need to say, “You’ve gained a lot of weight!” This kind of speaking is not Right Speech.

When we see someone suffer because of something we said, we may be tempted to say, “Well, I was only telling the truth.” It may have been the truth but it was very unskillful and we should tell ourselves that we are determined to train ourselves not to tell the truth in an insensitive way. We have to tell the truth in such a way that it benefits others, the world, and ourselves. When we tell the truth, we do so with compassion; we speak in such a way that the hearer can accept what we’re saying.

We can practice loving speech in our writing as well. Many people now communicate by email and text messaging more than they do in person or on the telephone. When you write something, and the person who is reading it can’t see your face or hear the tone of your voice, it’s even easier for them to have a misperception. It’s very important that we write with mindfulness and the intention to use loving speech, whether we’re sending an email or writing an article. Journalists can help relieve the suffering in the world by using their words to write clear accounts and commentaries on what’s happening in the world, using both truthful and loving speech.

Deep listening can work on a large scale, not just in relationships. After the attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon in 2001, I suggested the United States organize a session of deep listening to the American people’s suffering. They should invite people representing those who feel that they’re victims of discrimination, violence, anger, fear, social injustice, and so on, and give them a chance to speak out. If we don’t understand our own suffering, fear, anger, and despair, then we can’t help another country or people to do the same. Since that time I have recommended this for Europe, Africa, the Middle East, North and South Korea, and for any place where there’s tension between two groups or two countries. There’s no need to jump right into an offensive or defensive solution to every conflict. If we as a group, a region, or a country can listen to ourselves and transform, we would be more able to help remove fear, anger, and suspicion in the other group.

Using loving, gentle speech means letting go of all anger, fear, and suspicion. It’s an effort to try to understand and to be understood. If you can speak with this kind of language, and if you’re sincere, the other person will be able to sense your sincerity and will tell you what wrong they feel you’ve done to them. Then you’ll be able to find out the roots of their wrong perceptions and you’ll have a chance to offer them real information that they can use to correct their perceptions. If they can remove their wrong perceptions, then they can reduce their suspicion, fear, and anger. If you see that in this situation of misunderstanding you have something to apologize for, it’s important to be willing to do so straight away.******

Thich Naht Hahn The Mindfulness Survival Kit: Five Essential Practices Aleph Book Company, 2025. Hb. Pp.384
The Five Mindfulness Trainings, also known as ‘Precepts’, form the foundation of ethics and morality in Buddhism: not to kill, steal, commit adultery, lie, or consume intoxicants. In The Mindfulness Survival Kit, revered Zen Master and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh discusses the deep relevance of these simple yet profound principles in both our personal lives and in the world around us.

Describing the precepts as a ‘diet for a mindful society’, he shares insights into their value and meaning and teaches how embracing each mindfulness training can nurture a society grounded in care, harmony, and mutual respect. In his poetic and lucid style, Hanh presents a practical and secular vision for building and sustaining a way of life that is healthy, compassionate, and doesn’t harm or disrupt peace.
Thich Nhat Hanh was one of the best-known Zen Buddhist teachers in the world. He was the author of numerous bestselling books. He lived in Plum Village, in southwest France, where he taught the art of mindful living. He passed away in Hue, Vietnam, in January 2022.