A journey into the life of a Spiritual Stock Exchange CEO

(Representational image) "Not everyone has been on the same spiritual journey as we." (Image: Ksenia Makagonova via Unsplash)

CEO’s office:

CEO is floating in the air, eyes closed, an air of spiritual corporate governance on her face.

(Spiritual music in the background ): “Rig Yajur Sama…….Rig Yajur Sama……Rig Yajur Sama”

(Spiritual phone rings with callertune): @outlook.com

CEO opens eyes and settles down on her throne made of options and futures.

Her mind does a quick commodity exchange with her soul as she excitedly picks up the phone.

CEO: Oh my Holy Holiness. Your are the chairperson of my Spiritual Reserve. My spirit is lighter because of your qualitative easing of my soul. I don’t question the inflation in your salary because you have clearly risen above such concerns. In fact you have risen so high even the market regulator had to build 190 circular floors just to see you.

His Holy Holiness: My dear Spiritual Chitra Katha, as you know, I have no spiritual location.  So no one can accuse me of co-location. However, there are some people I need you to co-locate across the organizational structure. Because I am not liking their spiritual energy.

But I have been liking your spiritual energy in your last few Instagram uploads. Especially the ones where you sing “Spiritual exchanges are subject to regulatory risk. Please read the internal memos carefully before investigating”.

CEO: Oh great sage, oh clearing corporation of my unresolved emotions, your tri-vedic energy has helped me to discover myself in ways that even the forensic investigators could not. But I don’t like their spiritual energy. They just seem a little too earnest and young.

His Holy Holiness: I like how you guard your spiritual energy more fiercely than you guard the interests of investors. You have no conflict of interest. Because you have no interest in it. So where is the conflict?

CEO: Oh glittering gladiator of High Finance, oh sage of Omaha@outlook.com, I have received your instructions to open a new offshore swimsuit account in Seychelles. I have also received the KYK – Know Your Kanchan – form from your onshore spiritual presence here.

His Spiritually AAA+ rated highness: Well, you know I am a paramhansa, but as of now, a helicopter from Pawan Hans will have to do. Just remember, my spiritual self only travels first-class. Because not only can I materialize at will, I can even dematerialize without a demat account.

CEO: Then you will be especially pleased about our hand-picked independent director. In fact he is entirely independent of any direction. Especially on Twitter.

His ESG-compliant Sustainable Highness: That’s why I told him he must stick to TV. But I understand some of your depositions before the spiritual regulator are causing an HR problem in the company? I heard many employees are refusing to come back to office, saying their spiritual powers do not require them to have any such physical co-ordinates.

CEO:  This is a tricky problem indeed. Let us summon the spirit of our first Spiritual Guru and Poet, Mr Kavi Narain.

CEO on Spiritual Ouja board shaped like a bull: Mr Kavi Narain, this is your Spiritual Stock Exchange... we are looking for you.

Kavi Narain: I was the first CEO of this spiritual stock exchange. And I am pleased to see you have continued my wonderful legacy. Especially with the regulators.

I never thought I would go from tickers on business news channels to tickers on crime patrol.

CEO: Sir, I heard the market regulator has banned you from performing poetry in the markets for two years?

Kavi Narain: To be honest, performing stand-up comedy would have been more relevant for my career. But unfortunately that market segment was taken up by business news anchors….. (waits for laughs... leaves in awkward silence).

His Holy Unholiness: Look, you must understand, not everyone has undertaken the spiritual journey that we have. Especially with our bank accounts. After all, we set the standards of corporate governance for the companies that list their souls on our exchange. Just to see their name on a ticker tape.

CEO: I always wanted to see my name on a ticker tape. But I never thought I would go from tickers on business news channels to tickers on crime patrol.

His Credit Swap Defaultness: Even I wanted to be known as a spiritual guru. But I never thought I’d go from the Master of three vedas to an e-mail ID as evidence in a regulatory order. I guess it all depends on your outlook.com.

CEO: I think you are right. It is time to leave this spiritual world behind and move on to a higher realm... in the Ethereum. We will start the world’s first spiritual crypto exchange. Where souls can be exchanged on the blockchain. And their identity will be anonymous. Like buyers of electoral bonds.

His Crypto Holiness: Yes! And I know just the spiritual guru for this venture. He is a mysterious Nigerian prince who wants to send us a billion dollars on e-mail@outlook.com