The imaginary diary of Glenn Maxwell

3 | Glenn Maxwell | All-Rounder | Sold for: Rs 14.25 Crore | Team: Royal Challengers Bangalore

Did some of the Chepauk dust rub off on the IPL auction in Chennai? It turned and twisted as much as the wicket during the India-England Test.

Hey, good on you, India, for thrashing England. That was just awesome.

One of the first things I did today was check my horoscope. My birthday is October 14. That’s Libra.

So this is what an astrology website said, “Lady Luck smiles on you today. With all the good fortune on your side, it's assured to be a day when financial gains come your way, especially if you are in the banking business.”

If you call draining the accounts of franchises at nearly every IPL auction, you could say I’m in the banking business.

The horoscope also had a warning for me.

“Don your rational hat and lower your expectations a little. It never hurts to want less, especially since it saves you from disappointments later on.”

But here’s the thing. I actually wouldn’t have minded less at this auction. I didn’t want to be a marked man. I don’t want the pressure of expectations that comes with that. I don’t want to be reminded again of how my performances haven’t matched my pay cheque. (On a positive note, that means someday I can become a CEO). You want my $2 mil? Take it. Just don’t invest it in any Chinese company for now.

The Bangalore and Chennai guys really got into the bidding. I suspect Chennai needled the Bangalore team by reminding them that they have never won the IPL. I guess that made it competitive and the stakes kept rising.

I felt some hope when I saw the Chennai guys were wearing ‘Definitely Not’ t-shirts. I wish when the auctioneer announced my name they had said, ‘Definitely Not’. Then Bangalore could have bought me for my base price and I would have peacefully flown under the radar.

It would have been awesome. I could have stood on the boundary, ice-cream in one hand, and taken a catch with the other, the way I once did in a charity game in Leeds. I could have crashed press conferences and asked questions to players, like I did with Tom Latham.

Look, I wanted to be picked by Bangalore. Absolutely. AB de Villiers is my idol. And there are some good golf courses in Bangalore, which is awesome. But this cross of Rs 14.5 crore is a heavy one.

There’s a certain guilt that comes with earning a lot of money. And it is much more if you are earning that money but not performing.

Juan Mata of Manchester United said something quite sensible once. “Compared to the rest of society, we earn a ridiculous amount. It’s unfathomable.”

You get the drift, right?

If you follow me on social media you must have seen a Jerry Seinfeld GIF I had posted. During IPL auctions I feel a bit like George Costanza, you know, when he WANTS to get fired from his job. He tries everything but it ends up pleasing his boss.

Juan Mata of Manchester United said something quite sensible once. “Compared to the rest of society, we earn a ridiculous amount. It’s unfathomable.”

(This is a humour piece)