Were you raised by an 'eggshell parent'? Signs and impact on future relationships

Dr Kim Sage identified a few key signs that someone may have been raised by an eggshell parent.

Dr Kim Sage, a clinical psychologist from California, has highlighted the concept of 'eggshell parenting', a term she coined to describe the tense and unpredictable environment many children grow up in when living with emotionally volatile parents. In an interview with Business Insider, Sage unpacked the lasting effects of such relationships, revealing how they can deeply shape a child's emotional development and influence their future behaviour.

The term ‘eggshell parenting’ was derived from the common phrase “walking on eggshells,” reflecting the constant anxiety and uncertainty children experience when living with a parent who is unpredictable or prone to intense mood swings. Sage explained that these parents are not always aggressive or outwardly abusive, but their behaviour tends to be erratic, often switching from warm and loving to volatile without warning.

“An eggshell parent is often highly unpredictable and unsafe in some way,” Sage said. While they may not always yell or display anger overtly, their actions—such as frequent criticism, berating family members, or giving the silent treatment—can create an environment where children feel constantly on edge.

Sage identified a few key signs that someone may have been raised by an eggshell parent. One major indicator is hypersensitivity or hypervigilance—children in these environments often become highly attuned to their parent’s moods, anxiously monitoring their behaviour to avoid triggering an outburst. This emotional monitoring can extend into adulthood, affecting future relationships by fostering people-pleasing tendencies and a fear of conflict.

"You learn to overfocus on fear, particularly the fear of upsetting people," Sage said. She explained that this behaviour, rooted in childhood, can lead individuals to suppress their authentic selves in favour of keeping others happy. Over time, this constant emotional labour can cause burnout and social withdrawal. “When you find people are the trigger, you just only feel safe alone,” Sage remarked.

Another long-term consequence of growing up with an eggshell parent is the development of a fearful-avoidant attachment style, where individuals both crave and fear connection. This dynamic can cause difficulties in adult relationships, manifesting in a need for emotional support while simultaneously pushing others away.

Sage also pointed out that unlike parents who may lose their temper but later make amends, eggshell parents often lack the self-awareness needed to repair the damage caused by their emotional volatility. This absence of accountability leads children to internalise the belief that they are responsible for their parent’s outbursts, creating a lifelong pattern of guilt and self-blame.

“Healing from eggshell parenting involves learning to create a sense of safety for oneself,” Sage advised. Therapy, particularly dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT), can be instrumental in this process, helping individuals identify and sit with difficult emotions rather than avoiding them.

Sage noted that many children of eggshell parents struggle with feelings of anger, which may have been suppressed during childhood. “The first sign of growth might be when you feel entitled to your own anger—being okay with it and not feeling bad,” she said, emphasising the importance of recognising and accepting one’s emotions as part of the healing process.