10 things you shouldn’t say to your kids, according to child psychologists

Some words and phrases can lead to your child's low self-esteem. (Picture Credit: Pexels)

The words adults speak to children are powerful as it affects their confidence, emotional health and security. Even run-of-the-mill phrases expressed in frustration may sting more than we realize. Understanding these remarks helps parents to forge emotionally protective relationships and further the child’s emotional development.

Parents contribute to a child’s emotional world not only through actions but also through words. While many parents mean well, some everyday phrases can further bad feelings or low self-esteem in our kids. Kids are particularly sensitive to tone, comparison and repeated messages — and what might be an innocent aside to an adult can feel pretty intimate to a kid.

Such statements have the potential to shape how children perceive themselves, their capabilities and their relationship with their parents over time. If those messages are overheard again the resultant pressure is likely to manifest as anxiety, self-doubt, emotional withdrawal or fear of failure.

Doctor Minal Awasthi Child Phychologist and Mental Health Specialist Felix healthcare says that the object is not to be perfect, but to mindful and responsive. Here are 10 such common things to avoid saying that can be hard on a child’s self-esteem, according to her.

“Why can’t you act more like your brother?"

Comparison breeds insecurity and a feeling of being unloved to children. They suggest conditional acceptance. Instead, concentrate on your child’s own strengths and development.

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“Stop crying. It’s not a big deal.”

Disregarding anger will teach children to repress emotions. Validate their feelings and support them in telling you how they feel.

“You always mess things up.”

Extreme language is an enemy to self-esteem and a weapon against trying at all. Refer to the particular behaviour, not to the child.

“I’m disappointed in you.”

This statement can come off as a rejection. Express concern with the behaviour and reinforce your love no matter what.

“You’re too sensitive.”

To describe emotions as a weakness is to dismiss feelings. Support emotional literacy and resilience instead.

“Because I said so.”

This is frustrating and stymies communication, inhibits creativity and the spirit of inquiry. Providing age-appropriate information has trust and understanding as its benefits.

“You will never be any good at this.”

Negative predictions can become self-fulfilling. Encourage effort, learning, and improvement rather than speedy success.

“You’re embarrassing me.”

This displaces adult feelings on to the child, and shame results. Address behaviour privately and calmly.

“I don’t have time for this.”

Rejection is repeated which makes children believe they are not important. Even the smallest amount of attention will let them know you care.

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“Big kids do not act like this.”

Shaming kids out of their emotions delays them from developing. Help shape actions with tolerance and understanding.

Disclaimer: This article, including health and fitness advice, only provides generic information. Don’t treat it as a substitute for qualified medical opinion. Always consult a specialist for specific health diagnosis.