Book excerpt: Busted by Ashok Soota | Myth of the lonely leader

Ashok Soota is the founding chairperson of Happiest Minds Technologies, and one of four co-founders of MindTree which was acquired by L&T in 2019. (Photo by Vtamagond via Wikimedia Commons 4.0)

Excerpted from the chapter "It’s Lonely at the Top", in Busted: Debunking Management Myths with Logic, Experience and Curiosity, by Ashok Soota, Peter de Jager, and Sandhya Mendonca, with permission from Harper Business.

‘It’s lonely at the top’ is a myth that we would like to bust. Let’s begin with the selective reporting that perpetuates the image of a lonely leader. Much has been made of Tim Cook’s words that his job as the CEO of Apple was ‘lonely’. But as Cook went on to say, ‘I’m not looking for any sympathy; CEOs don’t need any sympathy’. This sentiment is acknowledged by Laura Empson, professor at Bayes Business School. ‘If you think it’s lonely at the top, you are not doing it right,’ she says.

Some others decry the myth of lonely leaders. Business consultant Marion M. Chamberlain believes that ‘it’s lonely at the top’ is one of the biggest leadership myths.

A true leader knows the importance of having people who support them and taps into the power of connections, according to Chamberlain. ‘If leadership is approached from the right attitude, it sure isn’t lonely at the top’, she says.

Contrary to the belief that power implies isolation, management professors Adam Waytz, Eileen Chou, Joe Magee, and Adam Galinsky contend that ‘behavioral science research has demonstrated that power confers psychological resources on its holders that might help stave off the loneliness that can accompany isolation’. In an article titled ‘Not Lonely at the Top’ in The New York Times, they write, ‘studies have found that power enhances power-holders’ beliefs that they control their own fates, buffers them from stress and creates the perception that others are consistently “in their corner”’.

This is borne out by Roger Schwarz in his book Smart Leaders, Smarter Teams: How You and Your Team Get Unstuck to Get Results. Schwarz says leaders should overcome the ‘unilateral control mindset’ which leads to unilateral leadership. To my mind, this would create a sense of isolation of the leader. It could perhaps be remedied if one were to adopt what Schwarz describes as ‘a mutual learning mindset’ where you achieve your goals by learning from and with others. ‘This means you’re open to being influenced by others at the same time you seek to influence others. You see each member of your team having a piece of the puzzle. Your job, along with the other team members, is to jointly put the puzzle together. You view leadership as power with others, not over others, so you look for ways of sharing it. With a mutual learning mindset, power is not zero-sum. If you
share power with others, you don’t lose any yourself,’ he writes.

One should note that gratitude has great value in building relationships. This is a key point that I emphasized at Happiest Minds—to express gratitude towards the team and their families for all that they do to make the company a success. In turn, gratitude comes back to you in abundant measure.

Earlier, I referred to the period when I was the chairman of MindTree. An incomprehensible incident (it remains so to me even now) occurred, which made me feel not just isolated but alienated from many of the co-founders. The feeling was saddening because I thought of them as my family. And indeed, so did they. They all openly acknowledged that the company would not have survived the dotcom bust without my leadership. I went through both pain and hurt over several months. There was loneliness that I had irrevocably lost this part of my family. And yet I was not alone. In parallel, I had the support of my family and dear friends, with whom I shared the incident and my pain. Within minutes of a conversation with two of the co-founders, I decided I would leave and start something afresh. With this came the realization that my MindTree family extended well beyond the handful of founders. This was borne out when I announced my new venture, Happiest Minds. I received hundreds of applications to join; these numbers were way beyond my capacity to absorb! The flow of the people from MindTree to Happiest Minds continued for years, up to today.

Though not germane to the aspect of loneliness, let me complete the MindTree story. First, it worked out for the greater good of all concerned. The leaders who succeeded me got their own place in the sun (until MindTree got acquired!), and I got a new runway for my entrepreneurial career at Happiest Minds. Within two years, at age seventy, I would have retired anyway, as per retirement rules for board members at MindTree. Strangely enough, my moving away ensured we remained friends, though no longer family. Finally, my decision to start Happiest Minds turned out to be the best decision I took for my business career. The record success of the IPO led me to create SKAN, a medical research trust. This, in turn, led to the idea of Happiest Health.

What would be of immense help in times of crisis is a supportive network: family, friends, peer group, and yes, perhaps, a coach. Apple CEO Tim Cook has talked about the importance of seeking out advice; he’s turned to Warren Buffett for business advice, and Anderson Cooper for guidance before disclosing that he was gay.

This is emphasized by Manfred F.R. Kets de Vries, who offers it among other suggestions as a cure for the loneliness of command:

• Be aware and mentally prepared

• Build an external network of support

• Express gratitude

Harper Business; 189 pages; Rs 599

We spoke with Sandeep Maini, chairman of the Maini Group, a motor vehicle design and manufacturing entity, who’s grown into the role of the chairman of his family-founded and family-run business. He said heading a family business ensures that he’s not lonely because he’s really not alone at the top. Maini and his two younger brothers regard each other as equals. What helps the three of them is the independent board their father had instituted, even though most small companies didn’t have one. Outside of themselves, the brothers regard the board as a good peer group with whom they brainstorm. Sandeep Maini’s family, the board and a good circle of friends have ensured that he’s not lonely at the top.

However, he does not deny that there are a number of corporate leaders who feel lonely at the top; he believes instead of keeping these feelings bottled up, they can overcome them by seeking out trusted people and sharing their vulnerabilities.

Apart from family and friends, Maini affirms the value of networking with peers in the industry; he says he has become a much better version of himself by being part of various industry bodies. Discussions with and support from peers have added tremendous value, and he encourages everyone to join such groups.

If and when you are beset by loneliness, leadership expert Silvia Pencak suggests you use the time to ‘evaluate your strengths and redefine your priorities, and invest in your own growth and improvement’.

The coauthor of this book, Peter de Jager, sums it up as ‘you will not be lonely if you were a leader that relied on the people you have hired. On the other hand, if your management style is autocratic and you don’t confer with your top people, you would create a lonely place for yourself. Put more bluntly, loneliness at the top is self-imposed isolation’.

John Maxwell says in his book Leadership Gold: Lessons I Have Learned from a Lifetime of Leading that ‘loneliness is not a leadership issue ... [it] is not a positional issue; it is a personality issue’. People can be lonely at the top, the middle or at the bottom of the rung. A great leader would never say ‘it’s lonely at the top’. ‘If you are leading others and you’re lonely, then you’re not doing it right. Think about it. If you’re all alone, that means nobody is following you. And if nobody is following you, you’re not really leading!’

Key Takeaways

• Far from being lonely at the top, a leader can experience warmth, affection, love, pride and gratitude from the team.

• In turn, you must do what is the best possible for the development of the team and reciprocate the gratitude.

• You won’t be lonely if you also have a family to lean on and a network you can turn to for support and advice.