Padma review: A thought-provoking novel about womanhood and motherhood

The hope is that feminist parenting, community parenting, men's roles as mothers and gender non-conforming mothers are the ones to stay. (Representational image: Daiga Ellaby via Unsplash)

In this world of millions of stories around "boy meets girl" or espionage, politics, adultery, murder and mystery, Padma stands out. Not just a pastime read, it is a book that will jolt your fundamental thinking on core issues. Written by Singapore-based author Mala Mahesh (its Mala's debut in literary fiction), the book raises pertinent points around womanhood, the glorification of motherhood and how childhood traumas manifest into behaviour patterns in adulthood.

The book is set in early 1900s Kerala and present-day Mumbai, with the two periods alternately presented. The protagonists, Naina from today and Padma from yesteryears, come to capture our world from the second chapter itself - by the time you get to the end of the book, you will be looking for them in your house.

Yes, you will look for them at home, not just because Mala has made them a part of your world through her crafty writing, but also because the turmoil the two women go through can be seen in each of our homes. Yes, every home, even in today's India, has a Padma and a Naina. That's why the book is unputdownable.

The storyline

Mala brings to us through Padma and Naina different eras, a similar background of being Kerala Brahmins and a similar problem - an inability to bear babies. Both have very happy marriages, no limitations on resources and are treated with respect by their partners. Yet, they both feel incomplete as they are stressed about not having a child of their own. Padma is marginalised by her household when her husband Sheshadri gets married to Lalitha, who bears seven children. In comparison, Naina feels cheated through a surrogacy arrangement with Naveen's colleague Vinita. Several twists and turns in their lives keep you holding the book to unravel the plot.

Mala has also brought out mental health and childhood trauma issues as twists in her story, emphasising that a secure and happy childhood is important. The absence of this leads to this trauma resurfacing as inadequacies and insecurities.

There are instances of sexism and gender stereotypes highlighted in both worlds - Padma's as well as Naina's. The women from Padma's times have all the household work and are solely responsible for the home, children and the kitchen, while the men run the decisions on money, marriages and the future. In fact, they call the women's group The Old Tigress' Council, who addressed trivial issues according to the men. Sheshadri did not think enough about Padma and her feelings before agreeing to remarry.

Naina's life has these instances as well when Naveen and his friends believe that making peace with their wives would be as simple as taking them out shopping or even when Naina's boss at the advertising firm says someday she will take his place. Naveen is shown to be different from Sheshadri - as a kind and affectionate husband. Mala brings a twist in Naina's character. Naina does not believe enough in consent and choice herself when she does not even factor these aspects for Vinita and insensitively eats into her space. It left me rather shocked to understand why she was portrayed so.

The characters' closeness and contrasts are quite evident, even from the beginning. Padma is young yet strong. Naina is older yet more vulnerable. Padma lives in this large household with a number of people and feels lost in it because of her inability to have children. Naina is in this nuclear family and yet is lost completely to a similar situation. Padma loves children and can mother any child as her own, while Naina loves the idea of having children, but only her own. Between the two women, Padma and Naina, my heart jumps to Padma, for the decisions she took, for the way she stood by them and the immense strength she showed - from running the large household, managing the kitchen or even later salvaging the Sheshadri household from debt because of her business prowess. Mala has really played with the idea of a modern Indian woman without emphasising which period they belonged to, who is as good as or even better than any woman anywhere in today's times!

Jealousy and competition have also been brought out, but sadly it's the form that we have stereotypically seen among women. Can't help but remember Chimamanda Adiche when she says that competition is a great thing for women, but not over men! That's exactly what we, unfortunately, see in Padma's and Naina's life.

The Issue

Women are beyond our bodies, and the idea that women are synonymous with mothers and that motherhood is the most important aspect of a woman's life is an idea that has destroyed one too many homes. When a baby girl is born, and if she is welcomed well at all, the only thing that the family thinks for her is to fulfil the role of being a good wife and then, of course, a mother. There is no choice. Period. It is terrible the way relatives swarm around newlyweds asking for "good news". In fact, this pestering for "news" starts almost after the wedding night - like some magic wand is waved and the woman has finally started her journey of purpose. Wifehood. Motherhood.

To all of them, I would like to ask, where is this notion of fatherhood? How long will we continue to protect men from harsh questions? Protect them from "good news"! While fathers are considered providers, they are not expected to become primary caregivers at all. As a woman, I should be chaste; I should be pure, a virgin at the time of marriage and then live my life fully for my husband, who is my sole sexual mate. But I have to make the baby real fast, and if that does not happen, I'm to be blamed solely. What about my partner? Like how does that even work?! Doesn't it take two to tango, particularly in this case?

Repeated trying, focused efforts on sexual intercourse on ovulation dates, consulting doctors, then taking pills, then going for IVF, surrogacy - all while being admonished, punished and judged by insensitive interfering social circles is what a woman's 20 years post marriage becomes when she fails to bear children. In the book Padma, Mala has made us believe that for both the stories of Padma and Naina, the inability to bear children is that of the women. I'm surprised Mala took this route. Because in reality, the inability could be equally with the man, and yet the woman always bears the ruthlessness from all around.

Adoption is a beautiful intervention in all these cases of inadequacies, and yet we don't see much of it. Every one of our families, with the new lifestyle, has couples who struggle to conceive the natural way and yet a very marginal number of families actually adopt children. This mismatch is very ironic. If only all the couples who are craving for children actually adopt the little ones who crave families.

Patriarchy

This irony can be attributed to patriarchy. Children are considered necessary to carry forward the family name (Khandaan ka naam roshan karnewale), and so all families believe that their own blood will be purest. An adopted child is considered to be from inferior blood (like how do we make these ridiculous assumptions?) as a result of unwanted pregnancies. Men feel that they need to have children, no matter what, because of this patriarchal pressure and will be forced to resort to any measure, including second marriages, affairs and even murder of wives. Of course, what if the child is a girl and not a boy? Now, that's for another day.

Conclusion

Mala has brought back the one question that continues to be unresolved even within feminist principles - the idea of motherhood. While we talk about sharing the load, being progressive and saying emphatically that "women can play roles outside the home, only when men play roles in it", the burden of motherhood remains strong and unshifted solely on the shoulders of women. Call it biology, call it patriarchy; it's insufficient attribution. What remains to be defied for change is the fundamental question - is a mother only a woman? It is this question that needs answering. This will help demystify the debates around pro-choice same-sex marriages and really break patterns. It will also broaden the term motherhood beyond birthing agonies instead to nurture and care so that patriarchal biases and stereotypes around gender will blur.

Till we resolve the debate within society and even within our own selves, I would like to make peace with the fact that motherhood is a result of gender non-biased parenting and that mothers can be gender agnostic. While we focus on the aspect of motherhood, we should remove notions of who a mother can be. A healthy and new age mothering is required. Feminist parenting, community parenting, men's roles as mothers and gender non-conforming mothers are the ones to stay. If this happens, then we have "Good News" indeed!