'Thought about going to another country': Actor Dileep case sexual assault survivor

Actor sexual assault case: Dileep was arrested later released on bail. (Image credit: Photo tweeted by @ANI)

The actor who was kidnapped and allegedly sexually assaulted in Kerala in 2017 has spoken about her journey from being branded a “victim” to now being able to call herself a survivor. She spoke about the importance of breaking the silence around sexual assault and normalising women to speak up.

Speaking to journalist Barkha Dutt at the We The Women townhall on Mojo Story, the actor shared the ordeal she went through after the incident, the court case, the trial by media and the hate she received on social media.

The actor was kidnapped and allegedly sexually assaulted inside her car for two hours by some of the accused, who had forced their way into the vehicle on the night of February 17, 2017 and later escaped in a busy area of Kochi. The entire act was filmed by some of the accused to blackmail the actor. There are 10 accused in the case and initially, police arrested seven people. Dileep was arrested subsequently and let out on bail later.

Visiting the court for 15 days in 2020 during the trial, the actor said it was "a whole different level of a traumatic experience".

“Those 15 days when I was in the court, it was whole a different level of traumatic experience. When I came out of the court after 15 days, I realised that I am a survivor, not a victim. That I’m not just standing up for myself but for the dignity of all the girls who come after me.”

“So many times, so many days, I just wanted to give up and maybe, go somewhere else, maybe a new country and start a new life,” the actor said.

Narrating the rollercoaster of an emotional journey, she said she continues to face all sorts of emotions when she recalls the incident and its aftermath. “I have mixed emotions. I am still scared… the system, this fighting for justice is never easy. When I think about the trial and everything, I have this fear inside me. Sometimes I’m really sad, sometimes I’m frustrated. Sometimes I’m so angry, mad. I have all these emotions together.”

The actor also recalled wondering if things would have been different had her father been alive or if she did not have a shoot scheduled a day after the incident.

“I used to think that it’s like a long nightmare once I get up and in the morning, everything will be back to normal. I desperately wanted to go back to the time before it happened, so that I could change everything. That my life would be normal.

In January this year, the survivor had written to Kerala Chief Minister Pinarayi Vijayan expressing her distress at the twists and turns in the case, after the government lawyer resigned from the case.

It was in January that she spoke out publicly for the first time, nearly five years since the incident. “This has not been an easy journey. The journey from being a victim to becoming a survivor. For 5 years now, my name and my identity have been suppressed under the weight of the assault inflicted on me," the survivor had written is a social media post.

She has received support from actors like Parvathy Thiruvothu, Rima Kallingal, Manju Warrier, Mohanlal, Mammooty, Konkona Sensharma, and Richa Chadha, and filmmaker Zoya Akhtar, among others. "I have to thank my family, my husband, friends, and audience. I will continue to fight this until the end….”