'Loneliest time of my life': Techie who moved cities for high-salary Amazon job

Living by himself, Alexander Nguyen's daily routine fell into a pattern: he would wake up, work in front of his computer, do chores, and then go to bed. (Representational image: Unsplash)

A software engineer who moved from New York to Seattle for a high-paying job with Amazon has said that the decision led to the loneliest time of his life as he struggled to make friends and even connect with his co-workers in the new city. It was all work and no play.

As a fresher, Alexander Nguyen landed the job at Amazon in 2020 after a three-month search during which he faced 40 rejections, the former computer science student told Business Insider. The offer was so good that Nguyen sold everything he owned on Facebook Marketplace and moved to Seattle.

But for a freshman who spent four years in New York City, studying, exploring the city, and making the most of its bustling nightlife, living in Seattle was a culture shock.

"I was surprised by how much people in Seattle liked making small talk; they asked me how my days were going, which wasn't something I normally experienced in New York City," Nguyen told Business Insider. "Nobody tells you making friends is hard. Initially, I was genuinely excited to be surrounded by like-minded techies and have conversations about system design. I believed I would have so many opportunities for professional growth, write awesome code, and build business software for millions of people."

But when he moved to Seattle, Nguyen found himself in a tech environment that he didn't get to enjoy or make the most out of. "I had this impression that I would be surrounded by either a lot of new grads or a lot of people my age coming out of college, but that wasn't true. It was definitely the loneliest time of my life," he said.

Living by himself, Nguyen's daily routine fell into a pattern: he would wake up, work in front of his computer, do chores, and then go to bed. The situation and Nguyen's sense of loneliness were aggravated by the Covid pandemic.

Attempts to be friends with his co-workers at Amazon also failed because most were either much older or had different interests. Moreover, they communicated only virtually and there weren't even conversations by the watercooler to break the ice.

"I really did want to get to know my coworkers, but I found it hard to connect with them. Many of them were in their late 20s or early 30s with a lot of industry experience, and the more senior colleagues either had kids or were already married. Most of the time, the only thing I could talk about with them was the weather," Nguyen told the publication.

"I think that's what really made me lonely: The only people I knew in Seattle were my coworkers, and I couldn't relate with them -- I had a hard time getting to know them on a personal level."

The dating scene too did not appear to be in his favour as most of the women he came across had already either dated software engineers or were friends with them to know enough about the industry. That's when Nguyen realised that he didn't really have much to talk about except his work in the tech industry.

Recalling a particular date, Nguyen said, "I could tell she was having a hard time relating to what I was sharing, but my fixation on these topics dominated the conversation. I only talked about what it was like working at Amazon or Microsoft because that was all I knew."

Changing jobs did not help because even when he took up a job with Google, Nguyen thought offering a tour of the cool campus would be a great idea for a date but he was turned down because the woman had already been to the office on other dates.

"It's not just me who's lonely — lonely engineers are plentiful... It seems like there's a loneliness epidemic within tech," he said. Nguyen also spoke about an anonymous forum on Blind where verified employees share stories of how lonely they are.

"It makes me a bit sad that I gave up the relationships I nurtured in New York," he told Business Insider. "I left behind my family, friends, and all the connections I had there. I spent four years building those up and I let them all go. In hindsight, I wish I had stayed in New York... I should have looked a little bit harder for opportunities in New York before taking the first tech job that came my way."

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