In the age of humble brag, A-lists are now DIY

One never knows which delicate turn will be the moment of coronation. (Photo by Samantha Garrote via Pexels)

The world may go as woke as it wants but the broke remain scrambling for ways to win the social superiority war. The finest of snobberies, whether in the fields of environment or caste, size of house or brand of car, is practised more subtly now, aware as snobs are of the humility race in the age of humble brag. The wardrobe budget of the simplicity brigade alone can feed a small army.

It is always a tightrope walk – the same conversational setting will cast those who binge-watched Sex Education Season 4 against those who haven’t bothered to watch even the first. One never knows which delicate turn will be the moment of coronation. The powerful authority that the smarter set exercises remains unchanged. They read all the newspapers, quote from the latest bestsellers and, more recently, have an opinion on Oppenheimer that combines Bhagavad Gita quotes with a technical knowledge of bombs.

The class war starts with English, some say. Because it’s a medium of expression, the grammar, accent and fluency start to count. A subtle ranking system promotes or demotes speakers the second they start to speak. Any intimidation is unintentional as the silent bully, smug in the knowledge of his own secure position on the language ladder, has nothing to prove from hereon. He just has to open his mouth and say something, anything.

The school/college one studied in has its own position in the market. The subject studied and current employment are never asked for and must be brought into the chat 'innocently'. Passions, hobbies, longings and aches are the second layer of skin that slowly exposes itself – this is tricky business, for one wrong move or word will take you down like the snake in Ludo. Your blah blah must never overtake your pose as a listener.

Walk into a room, let your gaze flick dismissively over the rest, and settle on those one or two people you can bring yourself to say hello to. Else, a tight smile must suffice. Do not meet any old eye or gravitate towards the nearest group; keep oneself to oneself till a worthy contender for your time arrives.

Intellectual snoots like to bypass the smaller-brained people and make straight for the celeb, whose words they will hang on to for dear life, whose jokes make them faint with mirth. The books they read, the films they watched, the places they travelled, their diets and diseases take precedence. Everything that happened to them is somehow more interesting, more anecdote-worthy.

The global elite, with a bank balance that differs from region to region to classify them as the global elite (for instance, an Asian millionaire won’t come off as a first-world millionaire in the exchange rate), know who they are. They cling together, these birds of a superior feather. Behind the idiot lot, they meet in private and exchange catchy rhetoric about climate change.

The A-list does not worry about any list B downward. In the brave new world, the ‘in’ status is always in search of a worthy cause; an immediate hierarchy can spring up almost anywhere anytime. Snob value has turned mobile. Just choose the right social ladder to climb.