Who are ‘girlfriend fluffers’ and how to avoid becoming one

Relationship experts explain why women fall into this trap, how social conditioning plays a role, and what boundaries can help protect emotional energy. (Image: Canva)

Relationship dynamics are constantly evolving in the dating world, and the term ‘girlfriend fluffers’ has recently caught attention. But what does it mean?

Relationship coach and founder of the dating app QuackQuack, Ravi Mittal, told Moneycontrol that women who invest their time, emotions, and energy into a man whose intentions are unclear often end up becoming ‘girlfriend fluffers,’ as he suddenly breaks up and moves on to the next relationship, where he turns into the “perfect boyfriend.”

“A girlfriend fluffer is basically the one who does all the prep — boosting confidence, offering advice, giving emotional support, and overall helping the man ‘grow up,’ only for someone else to reap the rewards of all these efforts,” he added.

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While the woman hypes up her match, gives virtual pep talks whenever he’s feeling low, and puts in all the emotional labour, her efforts don’t yield results because the man is either disinterested or unclear about taking things further. It ends up being “more like a warm-up before the main event.”

Talking about why women fall for such men, Ravi Mittal said, “It is not something women do intentionally. Most fall into this trap because of their empathy and high hopes. Their trust in their match reflects their own loyalty. In romance, online or IRL, it is easy to slide into being ‘too emotionally available’ without having clarity about the other person's intentions. She might think it's going somewhere, but the man is in it just for support until he's ready for the ‘right one’ for him.”

He further highlighted the role of ‘social conditioning,’ noting that women are often considered patient and nurturing, which can make them more susceptible to becoming ‘girlfriend fluffers.’ While some women are able to recognise the exploitation their empathy may lead to, others do not and end up investing in such connections for a longer period.

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To avoid becoming one of them, he suggested setting clear boundaries and seeking clarity. “Once you know what your match's intentions are, you can easily set appropriate boundaries. If someone directly says they are here for fun, there would be no requirement for getting overly emotionally invested. Whereas the mention of 'something serious' might deserve a little more effort,” he said.

“Daters, men and women alike, should always protect their energy by matching effort. One should not put in more work than the other. Consistency and effort should be equal from both ends. If these do not align, it is best to rethink the connection,” he added.