What is ‘Mankeeping’, a trend that’s making women question relationship choices

Mankeeping refers to the emotional labour that women in straight relationships put in to compensate for the lack of men’s social networks (Image: Pexels)

When it comes to relationships, there’s growing awareness about equal load-sharing between partners. However, many often overlook the emotional side of things. For instance, having a romantic partner who relies on your support but doesn’t reciprocate equally, and most often, it’s the man, can create imbalance.

If you’ve noticed a female friend constantly bringing her male partner to social events or going out of her way to meet his needs, she’s a “mankeeper,” and all the efforts she makes to keep him emotionally secure are what’s considered “mankeeping” in practice.

Simply put, ‘mankeeping’ refers to the emotional labour that women in straight relationships put in to compensate for the lack of men’s social networks. While it may have got wider attention on TikTok, the term was first coined by Angelica Puzio Ferrara as part of her 2024 academic research at Stanford University.

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In the study titled Theorizing Mankeeping: The Male Friendship Recession and Women’s Associated Labor as a Structural Component of Gender Inequality," Ferrara highlighted how women end up taking the load of emotional responsibility in romantic relationships when men’s close friendships are negligible.

According to her, ‘mankeeping’ is seen as “the labour that women take on to shore up losses in men's social networks and reduce the burden of men’s isolation on families, the heterosexual bond, and on men.”

This study explores three core ideas: “that women disproportionately compensate for men’s lack of social support, that this compensation constitutes labour, and that such labour often comes at a cost to women through their wellbeing and time.”

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While television shows like The Simpsons or Gilmore Girls have subtly depicted this disproportionate dependency, in real life, women often end up providing emotional support to men after a bad day at work, helping them through personal struggles, acting on their behalf, and planning their social calendars, among other things.

The study revealed that one in five men in the U.S. do not have close friends or dependable emotional bonds outside of their female partners, unlike women, who tend to enjoy wider and more fulfilling social connections and relationships.

• Emotionally draining: Considering the discrepancy in providing support, women often end up feeling burnt out. It can be emotionally draining to always be present for a partner while managing other responsibilities.

• No time for self: It can also be consuming to take care of your partner’s needs more than your own, leading to a sense of neglect of self.

• Unpleasant emotions: If a man is more dependent on a woman for emotional support, it may lead to feelings of resentment and cause dissatisfaction in the relationship.