Not 'How are you?' Harvard discovers how successful people do small talk

The Harvard study also advised people to ask more questions. "It doesn’t hurt to ask," it stated. (Representative image)

“How are you?” -- the most common question used as a conversation starter has turned out to be the most useless one world of communication. Instead, the effective way to exchange pleasantries and make small talk is to simply ask the other person follow-up questions, claimed Harvard researchers.

They conducted a series of experiments and analysed more than 300 conversations and found that people who were asked meaningful follow-up questions (i.e questions that aren’t “how are you?” or “what do you do?”), found the other person much more likable. The findings were published in Harvard's Journal of Personality and Social Psychology -- It Doesn't Hurt to Ask: Question-asking Increases Liking.

“When people are instructed to ask more questions, they are perceived as higher in responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation and care,” the study stated.

"People spend most of their time during conversations talking

about their own viewpoints and tend to self-promote when meeting

people for the first time. In contrast, high question-askers -- those

that probe for information from others -- are perceived as more

responsive and are better liked."

The Harvard study also advised: "Although most people do not

anticipate the benefits of question-asking and do not ask enough

questions, people would do well to learn that it doesn’t hurt to ask."

So, here are five tips, suggested by CNBC Make It, to help you  go beyond "How are you?" to have a meaningful conversation:

1.) Start with a question that will build up to a conversation that meets the A.C.T. criteria.

A - There’s authenticity

C - There’s a connection

T - There’s a topic that will give them taste of who you are

2.) Talking about the weather, traffic, and sports is a horrible icebreaker. Instead choose a topic which is both important and personal to you.

3.) Find something interesting in your surroundings to talk about. This will spark small talk and help lead the conversation into unique follow-up questions.

4.) Sharing personal news may also open up the conversation and give the other person a chance to know more about you and in turn ask you a few questions.

5.) While what you're saying is important, it is also about how it's being said. Look at the other person when you speak and not at the wall behind them. While speaking to someone over the phone, smile -- it will make your voice sound warmer. It will make it easier for others to connect with you.

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