Salman Khan’s 'Radhe' Review: So paint by numbers; yet I smiled and groaned through this two-hour Eid special

Screen grab from 'Radhe: Your Most Wanted Bhai', which released for pay-per-view on Tata Sky and Zee5 on May 13, 2021.

Confession first: Bhai wears black shirts like no one else can. And during the film you want to say, ‘Bas, kar, yaar!’ but I watched Radhe on Tata Sky for INR 249 (Zee5 charged INR 499 but was frozen until 12.30!) so you could hear about it as soon as I downed some more coffee and tallied just how many costume changes Disha Patani had in this film (23 for the time she gets to be in the film, which includes three songs).

You ask why am I counting costumes? You mean to say Bhai film needs to be reviewed for its cinematography? Its plotline? Its character development? Then you are either not a fan or are looking to diss the film for reasons like the age gap between Bhai and the babe.

Sometimes I wonder why Bhai films actually need heroines. His dance swag has always been better than the heroines'.

And Disha Patani is not an ounce more attractive than Barbies my niece owns. But there’s Jackie Shroff who gets to wear a dress and dance with Bhai (don’t ask, watch!), and when Disha decides to seduce Bhai, he’s snoring. Plus, she plays such a minuscule role, she could be the splicing tape that sticks the fight scenes together (before non-linear editing was introduced).

Unfortunately, the story belongs to that era as well: Need a baaad cop to take care of evil villains. They just borrowed the Korean film The Outlaws (they credit it too!) for the fight scenes.

Speaking of which, Randeep Hooda was so much scarier and lethal in Extraction than he is in this film. Here he has terrible hair, has knifing skills that are good, and to top it all, he gets to moonwalk too (blink and you miss shot). Randeep Hooda plays Rana who’s come all the way from Delhi to sell drugs in Mumbai.

Also read: The Salman Khan interview | 'Radhe's box office may be almost zero, but we're going ahead with the release'

Sometimes I wonder why Bhai films actually need heroines'. His dance swag has always been better than the heroines (who mostly shake their booty), he’s better at saving damsels in distress than manhandling them in songs like the Jumping Jack Jeetendra did in the songs, and dammit, at 55 he can roundhouse kick?!

The dialogue in the movie has practically no repeat value and the only one that is worth a mention is: By the time you take that tenth grade exam, all the bad guys will either be ‘jail ke andar ya zameen ke’. Missed seeing Prabhu Deva making an appearance to dance with bhai. Bahut na-insafi hai!

So lots of Bombay bhais get to die horribly because of Delhi bois, and Radhe has to save kids from ODing on drugs. This plotline is as believable as kids taking photos of peddlers. And cop shows on OTT platforms are to be blamed for awful picture board where pictures are connected by a string.

The last action scene reminds you of Singham (busload of criminals crash) but there are motorbikes conveniently placed for the movie to extend to a fight that involves a helicopter too… And now I’m wanting a fast-forward button on Tata Sky, but have to wait until that device gets an upgrade. Perhaps some day the story of Bhai’s films will catch up to 2021 too...