Mental health: Dangers of therapy-speak, and the best possible outcome

Many of us may not realize how our conversations today are filled with words that were uncommon a decade ago. We casually discuss coping mechanisms, traumas, attachment styles, and toxic relationships, alongside terms like OCD, anxiety disorders, bipolarity, and depression. The lexicon of therapy, with words like gaslighting, catharsis, and narcissistic behaviour, is so pervasive on Instagram that it's often referred to as "Instagram therapy."

But by using these terms out of context, have we trivialized therapy itself? Take, for instance, a post by Instagram user Melvin Thomas: "When discussing my professional issues with a friend, he suggested focusing on the future. I was deeply hurt because I didn't feel heard." Thomas received unquestioning validation without considering the context. Does the "idiot compassion" of social media overshadow the "wise compassion" of a trained professional? Experts also highlight the misappropriation of 'triggers.' In a clinical setting, patients are encouraged to confront discomfort through exposure, while in therapy-speak, triggers are to be avoided at all costs.

Vinita*, an analyst at a Mumbai bank, once described her relationship with her sibling as abusive, often citing gaslighting and toxic behaviour. She came across a book (ironically) on Instagram, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb, which prompted her to seek therapy. She realized that the conflicts with her sibling were not gaslighting but rather a difference in opinions. “We used such damning labels for each other,” she says.

Also read: Healing Space | You are your peace in a chaotic world

The problem of letting therapy-speak invade everything is that it turns most of us into armchair therapists. Meera Ravi, a psychologist and author (Counseling: What, Why and How), warns of the risks of self-diagnosing. According to her, using mental health terms loosely can lead to the exaggeration of symptoms and the neglect of underlying issues. Self-diagnosing can also worsen feelings of anxiety and depression, increasing the risk of self-harm or dangerous behaviours. It is essential to approach these terms with caution. “When clients say, 'I have OCD,' or 'I have depression,' I need to be cautious and explore deeper."

Certified counsellor Mahesh Natarajan from Bengaluru acknowledges that using therapy language in a diagnostic manner can be tricky. There is a difference between setting personal boundaries for safety and constantly claiming victimization through terms like narcissistic abuse and gaslighting. He explains, “It is one thing to say, 'I need boundaries with this person for me to feel safe', and quite another to say, 'I am constantly facing narcissistic abuse and being gaslit'. While the former can be healthy, the latter might be falling into an unhealthy pattern of victimization. I think this socializing of therapy language will lead to a further evolution of language in therapy, differentiating what is clinical and what is not."

Will the emphasis therapy-speak puts on self-care and boundaries contribute to selfishness or solipsism? Surprisingly, psychologists and experts hesitate to pass judgement. "There is a thin line between both," Ravi opines. “As a society, we are learning to take care of ourselves more than we did in the past, whether that should be termed as selfishness depends on the context and the frame of reference. Balancing self-care with compassion for others is the ideal way." Natarajan stresses that though “it might feel like a pendulum swinging from community to super-individualism from the perspective of people used to a culture of sacrificing oneself for society, it is more than that. The arc of growth is in awareness of self, context and the other.”

Words are powerful. Therapy-speak more so. “In itself, it isn't a bad thing. It can give us a shared language to better understand ourselves, our life experiences, and our situations," Ravi says. It helps, reflecting a growing awareness of exploitation and a refusal to tolerate it. As society becomes more aware of mental health implications and incorporates therapy-speak into daily conversations, it could foster greater self-awareness and healthier relationships. "Hopefully, more everyday therapy-speak will lead to more self-checking and better, more authentic relationships," Natarajan says.

Vinita has since reconciled with her sibling, recognizing her own lack of understanding of the subject rather than blaming therapy-speak. “I just knew the terms and not their implications. We put such damning labels on each other.”

Understanding the terms we use commonly

Therapy-speak: Incorrect yet authoritative use of jargon from psychotherapy and mental health.

Gaslighting: Gaslighting is an emotionally abusive strategy that causes someone to question their feelings, thoughts, and sanity. If someone gaslights you, they’ll attempt to make you question reality. The purpose of gaslighting is to convince you that you can’t trust your thoughts or instincts.

Narcissism: A mental illness characterized by extreme self-involvement, to the degree that it makes a person ignore the needs of those around them.

Boundary setting: Boundary setting, in the context of mental health, means creating clear limits and guidelines to protect one's emotional well-being. It involves asserting one's needs, feelings, and values. However, boundary setting is not the same as tone policing which focuses on how a message is delivered rather than the content of the message itself.