What is 'reverse parenting'? All about trend being embraced by millennial parents across China

The idea centres on parents adopting or reflecting aspects of their children’s behaviour in order to encourage responsibility, self-awareness and improved communication.

A child-rearing approach described as “reverse parenting” has gained traction among millennial parents in China, with supporters arguing that it promotes dialogue and mutual respect between adults and children.

The idea centres on parents adopting or reflecting aspects of their children’s behaviour in order to encourage responsibility, self-awareness and improved communication.

According to a report in South China Morning Post, the trend is widely linked to an incident in November 2022 in Heilongjiang province in north-eastern China.A mother allowed her three-year-old daughter to step outside in freezing weather wearing only a thin princess dress after the child insisted that animated princesses live in cold climates.

Rather than compelling her to put on a coat, the mother permitted her to go outdoors and followed quietly behind.

The episode was widely discussed online, with many social media users commending the mother’s response. Some argued that allowing a child to experience discomfort once can be “more effective than preaching a hundred times”.

The discussion that followed contributed to the emergence of what is now referred to as “reverse parenting”, which has since developed into three identifiable approaches.

Three distinct methods: 

The first model is known as “role reversal”. In this approach, parents present themselves as needing support or care, displaying vulnerability in order to cultivate empathy and a sense of responsibility in the child. Advocates say it can encourage improved conduct and emotional development.

The second approach, termed “consequence experience”, involves structured plans that allow children to encounter the direct results of their own decisions. The intention is to help them reassess unhealthy or unrealistic choices.

One example cited online involved an eight-year-old boy in Wuhan, Hubei province, who declared that he wished to leave school to pursue a career as a professional gamer. Instead of rejecting the idea outright, his parents agreed on the condition that he follow a strict schedule: he was required to play video games for 16 hours a day and submit detailed performance reports.

Although initially enthusiastic, the child reportedly became overwhelmed, breaking down four times within three days. The experience led him to reconsider his ambitions and adopt what his parents described as a more measured view of his future.

The third model is referred to as the “mirrored response”. Under this method, parents replicate their child’s emotional reactions in order to prompt reflection.

A mother identified by the pseudonym Zhang Yu told the Beijing Evening newspaper that when her three-year-old daughter reacted angrily and rolled on the floor after being denied an ice cream, she lay down beside her and cried more loudly.

“To my surprise, it actually worked. She stopped crying soon and stared at me in shock,” Zhang said.

The practice has attracted support on mainland social media platforms. One user wrote: “This parenting style is so satisfying. It is really paving a new path in child-rearing.”

Another commented: “This is using magic to defeat magic. Walk the child’s path so they have nowhere left to go. As long as the parent is not embarrassed, the child will be.”

Observers suggest that the popularity of the approach reflects generational change. Many millennial parents in China grew up in households characterised by strict discipline and high expectations, where adults were regarded as authoritative and self-sacrificing figures.

Determined to avoid what they perceive as excessive control, some young parents say they are seeking more balanced relationships with their children, emphasising openness and mutual respect while maintaining boundaries.

Expert perspective:

Psychological counsellor Han Sanqi said the phenomenon resembles what is known as “consequence-based education”.

For younger children who have not yet developed the ability to reason through cause and effect, Han explained that directly demonstrating outcomes can help them grasp lessons more quickly.

However, he warned that the strategy must be applied carefully and adapted according to age.

“For younger children, consequence-based education works well. But for children around eight or nine years old and older, the strategy should shift towards logical education. By that age, they can understand cause and effect, so simply pointing out outcomes is not enough. Parents need to guide them more thoughtfully,” Han said.

Experts emphasise that while experimentation in parenting styles is not new, any approach should take into account a child’s developmental stage and emotional wellbeing.