Funnycontrol on the Amrit Kaal Budget

Perhaps we should also ask our politicians to get a fresh PUC: Politician Under Control certificate from their constituents each year to certify that they are still capable of driving their manifestos. (Photo: Leif Bergerson via Pexels)

The Union Budget has finally been presented. This will ensure enough work for financial influencers for the rest of February. The budget is like their Valentine’s Day. There were a lot of announcements that left the honourable members of the house hoarse with applause. Except for the smokers who were hoarse even before the announcement of National Calamity tax increase of 16 percent. I asked the paan wallah when the tax increase would kick in and he suggested 3-4 days. I am smoking even as I type this article to maximize the arbitrage in cigarette price difference in this period.  Now my lungs have declared a national calamity.

What really tickled my fancy was the FM announcing: “This is the first budget in the Amrit Kaal”. I'm sure you’ll discover more people googled what is Amrit Kaal than what are the changes from the previous income tax regime. I found on Google and I quote: “Amrit Kaal is the critical time when the gates of greater pleasure open for the inhuman, angels and human beings.” To which I can only wonder exactly what kind of green cultivation is being encouraged by this government. This is a green bond even I wouldn’t mind investing in.

For entrepreneurs, the government has reduced 39,000 compliances and decriminalised 3,400 legal provisions to boost the ease-of-doing business. But I am a very empathetic person. I am feeling sad for the people whose whole business was getting compliances done as their business has gone from ease to freeze. Anyone who has tried to get an attested certificate from college for overseas admissions knows what I’m talking about. I am more entertained by the fact that before this there were 3,400 ways to attract criminal charges simply for running a business. Even if it’s not into “green” cultivation.

For Senior citizens this budget has increased the limit under the Senior Citizens Savings scheme from Rs 15 lakh to Rs 30 lakh. But for most senior citizens in India, their retirement plan is their children. Try telling your senior citizen you want to quit your corporate job to become an Instagram reel maker. You will soon have to retire hurt.

Some of the biggest changes are in the personal tax regime. Where rebate under the new regime has gone up from Rs 5 lakh to Rs 7 lakh. But personally, I like the old exemptions regime. As a Marwari, my late father and I made it a point to capture every single exemption and deduction inhumanly possible from my salary just to score a victory over the Income tax department but more importantly, over the company’s HR and finance departments. At one point the HR seemed dismayed that my after-tax take-home was even higher than my CTC. Her mental health is yet to get back to her. My father even considered having himself declared insane just so we could claim additional deduction under section 80 DD for mental illness. Perhaps the old regime is more suited to our jugaad mindset.

My only area of concern during the budget was when the FM tried to steal my job as a standup comedian. When she was speaking about the importance of vehicle replacement, she said "old political vehicles" instead of "old polluting vehicles". Everyone started laughing perhaps failing to realize that their garage is full of such old political, I mean, polluting vehicles. Perhaps we should also ask our politicians to get a fresh PUC: Politician Under Control certificate from their constituents each year to certify that they are still capable of driving their manifestos.

But at least when you are reading this column you know that the funny will always be under control. Because if I’m not careful, I also might attract some criminal provision simply for running my business. So that’s it from Funnycontrol on this Amrit Kaal budget. Please do like, share and comment on this article as it will at least open my gates of greater pleasure.