Tsk, tsk, Mr Musk

Elon Musk told the US SEC in a filing on Thursday that he wants to buy out Twitter at $54.20 a share and a valuation of $43 billion. (Illustration by Suneesh K.)

Tsk, tsk, Mr Musk. You keep us sleepless at night and you keep us guessing by day – not a dull moment with you around. After all that ‘will you, won’t you’ suspense, you decide not to join the board of Twitter in which you have that 9.2 percent stake and can tweet anything you want at any time.

Instead, after proposing an edit button for Twitter, Mr Musk, you edit your original offer. Telling the US Securities and Exchange Commission today (April 14, 2022) that you'll buy the company whole hog for $54.20 a share. (Even at a premium of 54 percent over the January 28 share price, experts say you may be getting Twitter for a song.)

You have a secret baby, Johnny Depp says you wooed his ex-wife, your mom says you got your dance moves from her, and where on earth will you keep the W plucked out from ‘twitter’?

Elon means an oak tree and Musk could bring to mind a deer or monkey flowers if you are the googling sort. But together, as Elon Musk, the words only mean the one and only man who keeps us on our toes with his tweets of Tesla selling red satin shorts. Yes, red.

The CEO of Tesla and a space tourist and the man who names a son X Æ A-12 – which is changed to X Æ A-Xii and then finally to X AE A-XII Musk, with X as first name, AE A-XII as middle name, and Musk of course the surname – and a daughter Exa Dark Sideræl Musk, who is nicknamed Y, because he can.  It is all about keeping it simple in the Musk family naming ceremonies.

At Twitter he can be the jovial bachelor uncle who comes in and grabs the baby from its tired listless parents and tickle its tummy and blow raspberries. In short, have fun, be popular and never be bogged down by boring rules, laws or duty. Hence, perhaps the no-show at the board meet for membership.

Musk tweets almost daily, coming up eighth on top with over 81 million followers. He told us Taylor Swift ‘hasn’t posted anything in three months’ and Justin Bieber ‘only posted once this entire year’. Basically, Musk is our eyes and ears on social media platforms, a citric critic and a sharp observer. A self-confessed free-speech absolutist, he is our man reporting from the public frontlines, suggesting helpfully that Twitter headquarters in San Francisco be turned into a shelter for the homeless – as everyone is working from home.

When social media consultant Matt Navarra said, ‘Elon Musk is going to be a corporate nightmare’, Musk must have said, why, thank you, sir! Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal did warn us: ‘There will be distractions ahead.’ And most of these distractions are likely to be a series of unexpected tweets.

Even with a lawsuit filed against him alleging that Musk illegally delayed disclosing his Twitter stake so as to buy more of the shares at lower rates, he remains the very stereotype of a modern eccentric billionaire one-man show no one will ever switch off.