Dowry Deaths | We urgently need effective societal mechanisms to address marital abuse

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The unnatural death of 24-year-old Vismaya Nair, a Bachelor of Ayurveda Medicine and Surgery (BAMS) student who was married to Kiran Kumar, an assistant vehicle inspector working for the Government of Kerala, has sparked discussions about the practices of dowry and domestic abuse in marital systems in Kerala.

One month ago, another young woman, Priyanka, a physical education teacher, committed suicide following the brutal physical and mental harassment by her husband and his family over dowry, her family alleged. Following Vismaya’s death, the state government has set up a helpline called Aparajitha to report and tackle such cases.

A recent tweet by Chief Minister Pinarayi Vijayan highlighted the issue that marriage is often considered an event to showcase a family’s wealth and how the practice of dowry degrades women. Though dowry is legally banned, the practice continues indirectly in various forms.

Can such a system of dowry be prevented solely through strict enforcement of law-and-order? IG Harshita Attaluri, who is in charge of the case, points to the need to examine the role of society in perpetuating such systems in the name of tradition. It is also essential to examine the social factors in such cases, and the prevalence of violence and subsequent normalising of it among man-woman relations in Kerala.

Across the world, reports show that cases of domestic violence have increased during lockdown and records show that Kerala also witnessed the same. The inability to access the complaint system during the lockdown, and the delay in registering the cases and initiating further procedures have contributed to this. One of the main reasons that discourage women from coming forward is the lack of prompt intervention and support from the legal system. In Vismaya’s case, the family filed a case of physical harassment last year against her husband, and later withdrew it following negotiations (in which allegedly the police was also involved) from outside.

Social Stigma, Shame, Guilt

Though the number of divorce cases has gone up in Kerala in recent years, there are still many who continue to remain in abusive marriages for many reasons, a main one being social stigma. In Vismaya’s case, her friends and mother reported that she was worried about what society would think about her if she got a divorce, and how it would affect her family. A sense of shame and insecurity prevented this young woman from talking about the physical torture she faced. An individual sense of shame and/or guilt make women hesitant to talk openly about such injustice they face — at the same time, violence by men is normalised as casual occurrences in a marital system.

Future life, or the what-next-after-divorce question, is another factor that prevents women from reporting violence. Though there are social media platforms which eloquent about the need to come out of a toxic relationship, are there adequate and concrete mechanisms to generate support for such women who speak out against domestic violence? Apart from family and individual support, there is a need to have redress systems to support women who undergo violence, and help those who are willing to come out of it to live with dignity and independence.

Finally, despite the high literacy rate in Kerala, is there a space in society where a wife and a husband can voice their opinion and even talk about their differences as equals without resorting to violence and succumbing to societal prejudices? Is the dogma of societal expectations and assumptions of family system stymieing healthy marriages build on mutual respect in Kerala?

We cannot neglect the pressure of aggressive masculinity that society puts on young men while growing up. Also, does the current system of education help create self-respect and confidence among women to realise when a relationship becomes toxic (physically and/or emotionally), and how far does it give them the courage to acknowledge the violence and talk about it? These questions need to be discussed for a systemic change in society at large, rather than as individual cases and solutions.