What is ‘ghostlighting’? The toxic dating trend that’s worse than ghosting

A new dating term is making the rounds — ghostlighting. It’s a toxic mix of ghosting and gaslighting that can leave people questioning their own reality in relationships. (Image: Pexels)

• Ghostlighting combines ghosting with psychological manipulation.
• Victims are made to doubt themselves before being cut off.
• Experts suggest addressing manipulative behavior calmly and directly.

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Just when it seemed that the dating world had exhausted Gen Z relationship jargon — from benching and situationships to choremance — a new term has entered the conversation: ghostlighting.

Modern dating increasingly comes with its own vocabulary, as people try to make sense of complicated relationship dynamics. These labels may be trendy, but they often reflect real emotional experiences. Ghostlighting is the latest addition to the list of behaviours that experts say can be deeply damaging in relationships.

First, what is ghosting?

To understand ghostlighting, it helps to begin with ghosting. The term refers to abruptly cutting off communication with someone you are dating — without explanation.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, ghosting happens when a person suddenly stops responding to messages, calls or social media interactions, effectively “disappearing” from the other person’s life. The silence can leave the person on the receiving end confused, hurt and searching for closure.

While the term is commonly used in romantic contexts, ghosting can also occur in friendships and even professional relationships.

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When ghosting turns into ghostlighting

Ghostlighting goes a step further. In this scenario, the person not only disappears but also manipulates the other partner beforehand, making them question their perceptions, feelings or memories.

Experts describe it as a blend of ghosting and gaslighting.

Gaslighting itself is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person causes someone to doubt their own reality or judgement. The Cleveland Clinic describes it as a tactic used to gain control, often involving denial, distortion of facts or trivialising someone’s feelings.

How ghostlighting works

In ghostlighting, the person slowly shifts blame onto their partner before disappearing. By the time communication stops, the victim may already feel responsible for the breakdown of the relationship.

Dating expert Amy Chan explains USA today that the psychological twist behind the behaviour.

Instead of acknowledging their withdrawal, the person may minimise it or offer misleading explanations. For instance, they might say something like, “You seemed really busy, so I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Ghosting is avoidance,” Chan explains. “Ghostlighting adds distortion — it manipulates the facts so that the other person starts doubting their own reality.”

How to recognise and respond to it

Relationship experts suggest paying attention to behaviour rather than words during the early stages of dating. Consistency, communication and reliability are often better indicators of intent than promises.

A dating coach Blaine Anderson on Instagram advises asking simple questions about a potential partner’s actions: Do they show up when they say they will? Do they communicate consistently?

“If someone disappears and later returns without acknowledging it or apologising, it’s worth addressing,” he says. “Do you really want to be with someone who might repeat that behaviour?”

Chan also suggests confronting the situation calmly rather than ignoring it. If someone reappears after disappearing, acknowledging the gap in communication can help clarify their intentions.

Also Read: How to deal with cheating and heal after heartbreak

“You could say something like: ‘When you stopped responding, I assumed you weren’t interested because there was no communication,’” she says. “Then pause and see how they respond.”

Experts emphasise that early signs of manipulative behaviour should not be dismissed.

While modern dating vocabulary continues to evolve, the core principle remains unchanged: healthy relationships rely on honesty, accountability and clear communication. When those elements are missing, it may be worth reconsidering the relationship before blaming yourself.