Why the most vicious RWA fights are fought remotely, in WhatsApp groups and group emails

When the phone pings deep in the night or even on a dull viscous afternoon, one hopes it is a former flame from college still understandably pining for you or a thumbs up emoji from the boss or a dirty joke at least. But it is the building manager inviting opinions on the kids playing cricket in front of the club house. Soon others are pinging nonstop. It seems the pioneer text has opened up the floodgates for everyone to air their angst over grocery delivery at doorstep being banned, domestic help smuggling out dupattas, suspicions that next-door neighbour has tested positive for Covid, bhabhiji hitting her kids… oops, wrong window.

Group emails where you sit invisibly in cc and group texts on phone where you are added against your will are vibrant magnetic fields, like a web Woodstock. Much is debated and decided in these terrains. This is the battlefield for ordinary men and women, where they come swords aloft. Much cling-clang ensues. After all the cacophony descends into name-calling and personal insults, everyone abruptly exits the group, with only you walking around like Emperor Ashoka after the mayhem, examining the bloodshed in Buddhist solitude. Then you sigh and take a momentous decision: 'until the admin keeps this alive, so will I remain'. Just then the admin exits.

Uncles and aunties who smile politely behind their masks in elevators and corridors turn into bloodthirsty werewolves when crossed in the ether, this is a fact of life. In deep corners of A block and B block bedrooms, couples talk over matters brandished in school groups and gym groups and old-friend groups and college alumni groups. This gives them a chance to feel intellectually superior and morally flawless as also put their spouse in place. Fingers text faster than tongues can talk. Face to face, we are distracted by the other’s expressions and pleasantries. On mail or phone, we bare fangs, laugh our evil laughs and press send.

It all starts self-righteously, escalates into virtue-signalling and quickly detours into spectacular pettiness. There is the south-north divide – with the two teams, Punjabis and Madrasis, pitted against each other. There is the pet section – with dog owners given specific instructions on potty training, and the children section – where parents put their noisy kids out to play hoping others are deaf.  The lone left winger in a RW group and the lone right winger in a LW group are used as punching bags. There is the eternal flat owner vs tenant divide, with the latter always griping about being left out of building decisions by the former.

After a lot of tu tu main main, everyone meets at the Onam function or the Ganesh Chaturthi event and is all smiles and 'how are you?'. Pronto everyone agrees to start a group chat to plan the Diwali party. If one is not part of the Pink Champagne group where teetotalers share mocktail recipes or Hot Ladies 1985 group where middle-aged members reminisce about their youth, one has not lived.