TRUMP issues sweeping TYPOGRAPHY EXECUTIVE ORDER in response to Supreme Court ruling, VOWS America will 'Type its way to GREATNESS'

Trump's order formally lowercases the word "democrat" in all federal communications. TARIFFS, on the other hand, will always be in bold caps (File)

(February 23, 2026, News18.com: ‘Complete Lack Of Respect’: Trump Says He’ll Write ‘Supreme Court’ In Lowercase After Tariff Ruling)

Washington DC: President Trump signed into law today the most ambitious executive order in American typographical history, a sweeping 257-page document printed entirely in Comic Sans that restructures the federal government's relationship with fonts, capitalization, and the roman numeral system, effective immediately.

"From now on," the president announced at a Rose Garden ceremony attended by thirteen reporters and a dog, "my victories will be in BOLD. Their losses will be in italics, which is a very weak and sloping font. Everyone knows italics lean. They can't stand up straight. You'll see: 'TRUMP WINS BIGLY!!!' And then right underneath, in small, pathetic italics: 'supreme court embarrasses itself again.' Very fair."

The order formally lowercases the word "democrat" in all federal communications, alongside "epstein," "united nations" and "facts." TARIFFS, on the other hand, will always be in bold caps.

The supreme court — lowercase, and to be printed in bright pink Comic Sans on all official government correspondence — was singled out for typographical punishment following last week's tariff ruling which the president has described as the worst thing to happen to America since Helvetica. "Pink is for losers who don't respect winning tariffs," the president told reporters.

Internationally, the order takes an equally firm stance. “I will unleash typographical war on foreign countries” said the president, "and believe me, the effect will be even bigger than tariffs. They're all calling, they're desperate to make deals, because they're petrified — petrified — I'll demote them to a funny font." He confirmed that "france" and "germany" will appear in all official communiques in lowercase until both nations pay their NATO dues, a gesture Trump described as "a geography lesson, very necessary, they don't teach it anymore." China, meanwhile, will be rendered "china" going forward — "it sounds like cheap crockery," the president explained, "which is what they are, everyone says so". Countries and leaders liked by the president, however, will get the all-caps salute, such as BENJAMIN NETANYAHU, who the president called "a great man, deserves every capital letter." White House insiders say there’ll be a typographical grading, with people in the middle, like eLoN mUsK, being written like that.

The order also announces that all references to institutions the president considers insufficiently loyal must begin with the word "Loser" in all government memos and social media posts. "Loser supreme court." "Loser harvard." "It shrinks them down to size," Trump explained, adding it was "Very effective, the results are incredible."

The order further decrees that all federal agencies must conclude every official communication with no fewer than three exclamation marks. "No more boring periods," Trump said. "We need ENERGY!!! This is an EMERGENCY!!!" Economists say this makes the GDP estimates "genuinely alarming to read."

In a related move, the president announced all government documents will transition to Roman numerals, citing concerns that Arabic numerals were "very suspicious, very terrorist-adjacent." "From now on it's MMXXVI or you're un-American," he said. "Obama used Arabic numbers. Think about that."

In response, Congress — currently referred to in White House memos as "that little shack" until it passes the president's legislative agenda — has issued a statement printed in Times New Roman, a font the president has called "the most disloyal font in America." He added, “Very European. Probably globalist. Thin serifs, no muscle." Helvetica was described as "Swiss, which tells you everything — stands for nothing, used by the un and also by people who recycle." Garamond was "french, obviously, you can smell the cheese, very cnn." The president then read aloud a ranking of fonts by loyalty to the United States.

Comic Sans was praised as "fun, energetic, very American, does not apologize, reminds me of me actually." Impact was described as "the greatest font ever made, very strong, very thick, you can't push it around, like me." The president confirmed that all future announcements will be set in Impact. "The letters are basically yelling," he said. "That's America." In this connection, the president announced the setting up of a Department of Font Security.

Stocks rose on the news. The NASDAQ is now officially rendering its ticker in bold, 72-point Comic Sans.