20 wacky allegedly instant reactions to Nirmala Sitharaman’s Interim Budget

A light-hearted take on the Budget.

A team of shady and irresponsible journalists travelled to the far corners of the country and even abroad, claiming to have talked to people from all walks of life to bring you these rather weird reactions to the Interim Budget. The reason we are eager to bring these reactions to you is because there is a lesson in them somewhere, although we have forgotten what it is.

Reporter to CEO: Sir…

1. CEO: An absolutely wonderful budget. Brilliant budget-making by the finance minister. I give it 10/10

Reporter: Sir, she hasn’t started the speech yet, I just wanted to borrow your pen.

2. Reporter to office worker: Do you actually mean to say you do not know anything about the Budget?

Office worker: I can only quote Sir Humphrey Appleby, who said in Yes Minister: ‘’Knowledge implies complicity, ignorance has a certain dignity.’’

3. Reporter to stock-market trader: What is the best way to play this Budget?

Trader: After looking at the candlesticks, the Relative Strength Index, the Stochastic Oscillator and the breadth indicators, I find I like naked options the best.

4. Reporter to American: Madam, were there any disappointments in the Budget?

American: Yes, I would have preferred the finance minister to quote our former president George W Bush, who caught the essence of the budget in a single quote.

Reporter: What did he say?

American: He said, ‘’It’s clearly a budget. It has a lot of numbers in it.’’

5. Middle-class person to reporter: Has she cut income tax?

6. Reporter to business strategist: Sir, what’s your take on the Budget?

Business strategist: It’s clear that, over the years, India has developed a competitive advantage in budget- making. Our budgets are the envy of the world. Just look at the mess the US makes about its debt ceiling. I am certain that, as our soft power develops, governments all over the world will call on us to make their budgets.

7. Reporter to school student: Hello kid, did you know there was a budget announced today? Don’t you want to know whether the prices of chocolates and ice cream have come down?

School student: Uncle, don’t you know that taxes on chocolates and ice cream are now under GST? And that the Budget can do nothing about GST rates?

8. Reporter to RBI economist: How did you find the Budget, sir?

RBI economist: This Budget is a reminder that, for the great and wonderful Indian economy, ‘’winter's rains and ruins are over, And all the season of snows and sins; The days dividing lover and lover, The light that loses, the night that wins; And time remembered is grief forgotten, And frosts are slain and flowers begotten, And in green underwood and cover Blossom by blossom the spring begins.”

Reporter: Wow, sir, your own?

RBI economist: No, unfortunately.

Reporter: Anything else you would like to add?

RBI economist: And then my heart with pleasure fills and dances with the daffodils.

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9. Reporter to traditionalist: How did you find the Budget sir?

Traditionalist: Chanakya’s was better.

10.  Another middle-class person to reporter: Did she cut income tax?

11. Reporter to Xi Jinping: Sir, what is your opinion of the Indian budget?

Xi: Excellent, excellent.

Reporter: But did you not find it capitalist?

Xi: I don’t know whether you have read Karl Marx, the father of Communism. He clearly said, ‘’From each according to his ability, to each according to his greed.”

12. Reporter to event management expert: Was the budget to your liking?

Event management expert: Hardly, nobody can be expected to sit through a dull reading of the budget for such a long time. If they take my advice, we should have a power point presentation, with bullet points and lasers to highlight them and soothing music to smooth over the tax hikes. I would add cheerleaders too, so that audience engagement is maximised.

Reporter: We already have cheerleaders in Parliament.

Event management expert: Yes, but they would look terrible wearing tutus. No, no, we need professional cheerleaders and the whole event should be celebrated in a stadium. We need to have the most spectacular budget in the world, given our status in the G20.

13. Reporter to lady: Madam, has the Budget reduced your kitchen expenses? What do you think?

Lady: I think the finance minister has done a good job in reducing the deficits, particularly the primary deficit. She could have done a bit better with the non-debt capital receipts. While the capex growth is good, you have to look at the extra budgetary resources for a holistic view. As for the kitchen, you’ll have to ask my husband, he does the cooking.

14. Reporter to Vedic scholar: Did you like the Budget?

Vedic scholar: Should it be Amrit Kaal, as they keep saying, or rather Amrit Yug? We need a committee to look into it.

15. Reporter to speech writer: How would you describe this budget, sir?

Speech writer: It’s an extra absolutely awesome budget, giving it that extra 2ab. It embodies the philosophy of FD2DF—fiscal deficit to development finance.

16. Yet another middle-class person to reporter: Did she cut income tax?

17. Reporter to senior citizen: Madam, does the budget take care of your needs?

Senior citizen: It’s a shame the finance minister has to stand for such a long time to deliver the budget speech. As a senior citizen, she should be allowed to read the speech while sitting, preferably with a footstool to rest her feet. Also, what is this about her being given only water to sip during the ordeal? She should be given orange juice, preferably with vodka—orange juice by itself could cause acidity.

18. Reporter to economist: Sir, have you revised your growth estimates for the economy after the Budget?

Economist: Not yet, I will do so immediately after I finish all my TV appearances, which could last a week. This is the best week of the year for us economists, you know, we are terribly busy on TV. And this year is special, what with there being two budgets.

19. Reporter to US geo-strategist: Could we have your reaction to the Indian budget, sir?

US geo-strategist: It’s a stellar budget, an excellent one. We are planning an Association of Budgeting Free Nations, which would include the US, Taiwan and India to counter the evil designs of the Budgeting Unfree Nations.

20.  Reporter to Aam Aadmi: Did you like the Budget?

Aam Aadmi: With the PM Kisan Samman Nidhi, PM Poshan Shakti Nirman Abhiyaan,PM Matsya Sampada Yojana,PM Kisan Urja Suraksha Evam Utthan Mahabhiyan, PM Shram Yogi Mandhan, PM Annadata Aay Sanrakshan Abhiyan,PM Matritva Vandana Yojana,PM Ujjwala Yojana,PM Fasal Bima Yojana,PM Krishi Sinchai Yojana,PM Mudra Yojana, PM Awas Yojana - (Gramin),PM Suraksha Bima Yojana, PM Jeevan Jyoti Bima Yojana,PM Kaushal Vikas Yojna, PM Bhartiya Jan Aushadhi Kendra, PM Swasthya Suraksha Yojana, PM Gram Sadak Yojana, PM Jan Arogya Yojna all working for me and my family, what’s not to like.