Funnycontrol | The Holi in the markets

The day is not far when you will be able to download the NFT of a pichkari and 3D print your own gulaal to sell on the commodity exchanges. (Photo: Anna Shvets via Pexels)

To all my fellow investors who chase colours on a screen, somewhere between the red and the blue in the days of 1994-96 to red and green on my mobile trading app, we all grew up.  Of course, every now and then an entrepreneur will show their true colours and tell the banks “Bura na mano, NPA hai”.

From the black and white contract notes belted out on a dot matrix printer, we moved on to the pichkari of inkjet printers. But this year a hidden berg’s pichkari soaked everyone who was caught with their margins down.

From the hum of the first business news channels being the sounds that filled my childhood, to children calling themselves crypto influencers, we all stopped growing up. Now you get to see your losses in different shades of red representing your attempts at diversification of losses.  You may also hedge your Holi bets by choosing to take a bath at the very end after all market participants have taken a cold shower. But there is always that one Russian bear waiting to pounce on you right after you feel safe.

From a satellite dish V-SAT in the ’90s to a stock exchange on a mobile, we all spiritually grew up. While the stock exchange became a spirit itself. Happy Rig Yajur Suma! (Regulator adds: @outlook.com).

Then there is the Supari Exchange Board of India which is rather selective about who it hits with balloons, who it aims its regulatory pichkari at, and who is spiritually let off with just a friendly gulaal and greeting of “Bura na maano, co-location scam hai”.

Those who get confused between rangoli and Holi are also the ones who get confused between options and futures. In both cases, leverage is a tool to shoot for the stars or shoot yourself in the foot. The truth is somewhere in the middle. In either case, we are assured of a colourful show.

At present the markets are torn between crude black, Russian red, and American green. But the Chinese are slowly changing the world in black and white. Which means perhaps the stock quotes we saw on the ancient monochrome monitors were actually the true representation of asset prices. If only we could go back to the days of playing Holi in black and white. So we would know whom to trust when life is going through lower circuit. Unless you’re a business news anchor. In which case there is no confusion who not to trust.

These last few years have seen many people change the colour of their opinions based on the colour of the markets. Then they scream at the federal reserve going: “Balam pichkari jo interest rate ne maari, woh seedhi saadhi yield curve bawari ho gayi!”

But this Holi I can only wonder what will be the colour of my bitcoin by the time the next Holi cycle comes along in the market. Sometimes, the colours change just after a big fire. And the next day many arrive to throw water on the fire. Till you realize, you have gone from being on fire to being out in the cold. That’s why it is better to be in a mutual fund where you can share the fire and pass on the cold to others as well. At least your misery is diversified among many other thus indicating why a mutual fund is the ultimate form of diversity and inclusion.

As I look back at the many Holis I have seen in the markets, I can only say the day is not far when you will be able to download the NFT of a pichkari and 3D print your own gulaal to sell on the commodity exchanges. Because the price of gulaal will always remain constant in the financial markets, no matter what other colours come and go.

Happy Holi to all my Funnycontrollers, and remember, Holi is subject to market risk. Please assess the size of your pichkari before participating because the colours of a bull market are very different from a bearish one.