Indonesian man hands over cheating wife to lover, accepts cow, cash and copper vessel as settlement

Following the ritual, village chief Safrudin confirmed that the marriage between SRH and NS had been formally dissolved.

A man from southern Indonesia invoked a centuries-old tribal tradition to resolve a case of marital infidelity, formally handing over his wife to her lover in exchange for symbolic offerings that included a cow, traditional cloth, a copper vessel and a cash payment.

The man, identified by local media as SRH, was a resident of Puudombi village in Konawe Regency, an area inhabited by the Tolaki community — an Indigenous group recognised for its strong cultural identity, ceremonial customs and long-standing emphasis on social harmony. He had been married to his wife, NS, for five years, according to a report in South China Morning post. 

According to a report by Tribunnews Sultra, SRH discovered in September that his wife was involved with another man, whom he later identified as an employee of a mining company. The discovery was made at a boarding house, where he reportedly caught the pair together. SRH then presented a motorcycle and other items as evidence to the police, after which both NS and her lover admitted to the affair.

Rather than seeking legal recourse, SRH turned to community leaders to resolve the matter through Mowea Sarapu, a Tolaki reconciliation ceremony that translates to “letting go and making peace”. The ritual, observed for generations, is performed to mend domestic or marital disputes and to restore emotional and social balance within the community.

During the ceremony, which was attended by elders, relatives and villagers, SRH and NS sat side by side and expressed mutual apologies in front of the gathering. The event was described as an act of public acknowledgment and closure. A video circulating on social media showed SRH in tears as he addressed his wife’s lover, saying, “Please take good care of her. Never hurt her. She has never been happy with me.”

As part of the customary settlement, the lover provided a cow, a piece of traditional cloth, a copper vessel, and five million rupiah (approximately US$300) to SRH. These offerings, according to Tolaki belief, represented compensation and symbolic cleansing — intended not as punishment, but as a way to remove misfortune and preserve dignity among all involved.

Following the ritual, village chief Safrudin confirmed that the marriage between SRH and NS had been formally dissolved. “Both families have accepted the outcome as fate and a lesson learned. I hope everyone comes out better from this,” he said.

Under Tolaki customary law, a woman is not barred from participating in Mowea Sarapu more than once, but doing so repeatedly is considered socially improper and would bring dishonour to her and her family. Elders explain that the ceremony’s purpose lies in reconciliation rather than commodification, and that its observance ensures balance within the community.

The unusual settlement has generated significant attention online, where many viewers expressed admiration for the husband’s composure. One user wrote, “SRH is a broad-minded and rational man. Sometimes, knowing when to let go is the greatest form of respect for a loved one.” Another commented, “No matter how justified the ritual may seem, betrayal is still betrayal.”