Funnycontrol | Somewhat 2079

This Diwali, Funnycontrol asks if you need a Muhurat for trading laughter as well. (Representational image: Fausto Garcia via Unsplash)

As I write this article, I am still waiting for my broadband guy to fix the internet as he seems to be awaiting his Muhurat to turn up. Muhurat is a time, according to Hindu astrology, which is considered auspicious to start something new or good.  One wonders when Putin decides “today is a good Muhurat to press the red button”.

Now one might ask why does Muhurat trading always take place on Diwali? The idea is that Diwali is the start of the new year as per the Hindu calendar. Vikram Samvat is a historical calendar used in the Indian subcontinent. Vikram Samvat is generally 57 years ahead of Gregorian Calendar, except during January to April, when it is ahead by 56 years.  Which seems to be a very accurate reflection of the relative outperformance of Indian indices in 2022. One hopes that we also don’t lose one year of growth in January-April next year.

Market analysts are desperately asking the Federal Reserve “Kind Sirs, when do you see a good muhurat to stop the interest rate increases?” But the Federal Reserve is now like a Diwali rocket which you light and run away from and then it creates that ultimate “Dharam Sankat” when it just goes out mid-way. You now have no idea if the rocket is gone kaput or will explode exactly when you go closer to light it again. But enough about the Japanese dumping their US treasury holdings.

I still remember the first Muhurat trading I was a part of as an 11-year-old kid. It was not a very auspicious, given that I accidentally hit sell instead of buy on the desktop of what was then India’s first electronic trading platform. I saw my father’s expression change quickly from “Look at my boy genius doing online trading” to “I wish he was adopted”.

Of course, there will be many who will claim they accidentally hit sell instead of buy on Virat Kohli’s stock when they were berating him before last night’s epic Muhurat changing innings. For Virat is well and truly the complete share package. There are times when he pays steady dividends. There are times when we see growth spurts. There are times when he is also locked in lower circuit after lower circuit. But only a fool would sell him on the dip. But enough about Kapil Dev’s views on mental health.

This year, of course, is supposed to be a green Diwali with green crackers. And any of those green crackers could explode if the greenback continues its relentless rise against the rupee. “The crackers are not exploding, I am a fiery personality” is an excuse that is not likely to fly with the markets for too long. Because if there’s one thing we can say about the markets, it is that they are always honest.

So this Samvat 2079, take an honest look at the jokes in your stock portfolio and in your personal investments as well. Get rid of the let-us prime ministers and the Quasi finance ministers from your life. And pray that if you accidentally hit the wrong button, you end up buying a Virat Kohli on the dip or a Funnycontrol on the rise. Happy Diwali!