7 reasons why the new 'Batman' will compel audiences to return to theatres

Robert Pattinson as Batman makes you believe that he has a secret pain point that is eating him up from the inside. (Photo: Warner Media)

1. Kurt Cobain predicted this Batman.

‘Underneath the bridge/ the tarp has sprung a leak/ and the animals I’ve trapped/ have all become my pets’

Cobain’s cryptic words will send shivers down your spine as the big ole Bat rides on his motorbike under bridges in rain-drenched Gotham City.

The cello from Nirvana’s ‘Something in the way’ blends smoothly with the funereal Ave Maria.

Before you can ask why is this review of the new Batman starting with its musical score - it’s the biggest reason that keeps you glued to your seat through this almost three-hour-long movie… And also because we’ve come to expect the elevating musical score by Hans Zimmer for superhero movies or John Williams (who made the T-Rex a superhero), but in this film, Michael Giacchino will make you sink headfirst into a morass called Gotham, spiral downwards deeper into pain you never thought you could feel.

2. Robert Pattinson.

No one does ‘troubled soul’ like Bob Pat. Whether he is the broody, protective Edward Cullen or the brother who will pummel New York’s underbelly to rescue his brother. If you saw him in The Lighthouse (watch this dual magnificence of Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe on Netflix), you’d know why he makes the perfect Batman.

Out of the ten actors who have played Batman, we know this: Michael Keaton could show up as billionaire Bruce Wayne easily. George Clooney was made for tuxedos. Val Kilmer’s performance was upped by the nipples on his batsuit. Ben Affleck’s Batman was so ‘I have a Sachin Tendulkar tee, and it’s my bat, so I will go first.’ Christian Bale brought a little bit of Darkness of the Soul to his role, but he too could party. Director Matt Reeves takes the myth of Batman and turns it into a legend.

He’s single and wants to be left alone. Bruce Wayne appears as the reclusive billionaire only at a funeral and the second time to ask about his father… He’s not in a tux. He’s grunge Batman wearing clothes that ‘de-emphasize the silhouette of the body’ and his hair is untidy (the only Batman to have a version of Helmet head when he takes off the mask). And those Persol sunglasses (Persol 2747s rectangular sunglasses are sold for $282 in the US) put him in a class of his own. While Alfred reads correspondence in the morning, the broody gorgeousness of Robert Pattinson wears these because, sunlight. You, like your girlfriends, are wondering if he’s going to glisten like Edward…

And then he is on his all fours, connecting all the problems the Riddler has thrust into the limelight. What a pity he is ‘the darkness’, you think…

Robert Pattinson makes you believe that he has a secret cancerous pain point that is eating him from the inside, making him a tortured, reclusive enigmatic man. His vulnerability comes through when he removes his cowl through his untidy hair and deeply sad eyes (his smudged dark eye makeup is like a lifetime of tears… Nolan’s Dark Knight stepped into Batman’s inner torture, but in this film, you don’t even need the movie backstory of the killing of his parents in the back alley, roses and pearls strewn on the cobbled street. Robert Pattinson’s nasoor (no single English word can substitute this Urdu description of a festering wound that will not heal) is so evident, you sigh deeper into that last couple of sips of the large bitter black coffee in your hand.

3. The villains are not from comic books. They’re your accountant.

No neon-green bodysuit peppered with stylish question marks wearing Jim Carrey here. Neither is the Penguin wearing a top hat, a tuxedo and a monocle and walking like Danny De Vito did. This Riddler reminds you of extreme right Q Anon type groups who spread hate on the net wearing camo gear. His video appearance will make you swallow a dollop of fear with your coffee. Yes, yes, you have read the comic books and know that the Riddler was a disgruntled accountant, but his antics in the movies (Jim Carrey) make you forget such details.

In this movie, you are forced to acknowledge the invisible ones in real life who turn out to be murderers (the closest example is like Bob Biswas in the 2012 hindi film Kahaani).

Paul Dano as the Riddler is that stalker on the internet who knows and can hurt people because he’s anonymous. That’s creepy and scary. Colin Farrell (under tons of prosthetics as The Penguin) and John Turturro as Carmine Falcone the mobster are typical villains. But Paul Dano mouthing ‘Bruce Wayne’ is more shiver-inducing than the gunfight with the Penguin or the snooker cue stick scene with Falcone…

This Batman will need more than comic-book sounds of Biff-Kapow-Kraack to deal with this very modern menace that is the accountant.

Colin Farrell (under tons of prosthetics) as The Penguin. (Photo: Warner Media)

4. Gotham City is Corruption Central

The last time Gotham city was under the siege by Bane and his mad minions, you were afraid. But the tribunals were held in broad daylight and bombs went off in the middle of a game. In this film, there is corruption everywhere. ‘Maybe he’s moonlighting as a cop’ summed up the corruption file of the city. Riddler has been compiling details of this dank underbelly for years in ledgers that chronicle meticulously how money was siphoned off by politicians, city officials, police and more… In fact, at one point you even begin to see a method to this once righteous anger and understand why the Riddler gets so many followers who are ready to kill for supposed and perhaps real injustices. Social inequality can be a powerful tool to channel an army ready to die for a cause.

5. It’s salaams-worthy, heart-pounding action.

Not to sound extra privileged, but this Batman movie has been made for IMAX and its fantastic sound. The seats seem to shake with the cranial assault of the Batmobile chasing the Penguin across Gotham city. Only that kind of sound and screen can make you believe you are riding with Batman. This Batmobile does not need to show off its invincibility. It has no super inflatable tyres or boasts of James Bond like gadgets. This is a pure adrenaline awakening car, chasing the bad guys through traffic and fireballs. Like an old fashioned Dodge Charger but modified for 2022. The experience in IMAX during the action scenes feels like you’re sitting under a NASA rocket about to be launched into space.

Batman emerging from the dark to fight baddies through the movie are some of the best scenes, although you can barely see him fight. That anticipation of his emergence is as they say, ‘Paisa vasool’ part of the film. The motorbike scenes too are incredible. I would go back to the theatre to see Batman and Selena on their bikes…

(Photo: Warner Media)

6. The humour is as dark as the city itself.

The riddles are not too clever, some people will say, but the solutions are as sick as dead baby jokes you have chosen to not hear. Sick fun. Jeffrey Wright who plays James Gordon (not yet commissioner) and our Batman share many of these moments as Batman solves the riddles.

You might blink and miss, but Andy Serkis who plays Alfred offers Robert Pattinson’s Bruce Wayne berries for breakfast. Bruce is the Bat, and if you make that connection, bats like fruit… The humour is there. But it’s not in your face. Even Selina gets a witty dialog or two to make you smile. Oh, not to forget, if you like comic book type humour, the twins will provide that too…

Andy Serkis plays Alfred. (Photo via Warner Media)

7. The atmospherics of the movie will drench you.

It always rains down danger on Gotham city. And yet, there is no cleansing. The rain is like a principal character in the movie. There is no escaping it. If you are under an overpass, the water has filled the streets. The car chase has only a momentary respite from the rain. But when you look up and the Bat signal is up, you realise that it’s wavering and blurred by the clouds and the rain.

And yes, it works beautifully because it is a sort of substitute for the Bat’s sorrow that can be seen in his eyes. The colour palette of this film is especially grey. And the dark of the shadows from which emerges the Batman. And yes, there is a heart-stopping scene where darkness camouflaged the bad guy too. The nightclub is sinfully red and yes, Selina Kyle’s body-hugging pleather suit and boots (only long-legged Zoe Kravitz it could carry off) stand out in a wonderful contrast.

Zoe Kravitz as Selina Kyle and Robert Pattinson as Batman. (Photo via Warner Media)

Thankfully we live in a tropical country and the weather in our metro cities is not conducive to such a clothing trend... Jokes aside, there is one thing that made me scared for us. Gotham City villain minions, following the trend created by the masked Riddler, aping his clothes and like the many Q-Anon supporters in America, they wear green military style outfits with a Question mark… The use of social media to spread hate has never been so out front and dark as it is in the film.

The Batman releases on Friday, March 4, 2022. And as the day suggests, don’t miss out on this phenomenal film, march forthwith to your nearest best theatre.