Healing Space: Only magic formula you need is you

Formulae for life are not replicable. That is because you are unique. There is simply no one like you. (Illustration by Suneesh K.)

Note to readers: Healing Space is a weekly series that helps you dive into your mental health and take charge of your wellbeing through practical DIY self-care methods.

What’s the secret? This is the most favourite interview question in the world. It is asked of filmmakers, stockbrokers, industrialists and sportspersons. Is there a magic formula? To losing weight, to climbing Mt Everest, to completing all that pending work, to making it rich, being successful, or looking like you have it all together.

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Whenever one makes a drastic change to life, quitting their day job, taking up meditation, writing a book, retraining, moving, taking up yoga, going on a diet, or hitting a crucial life stage such as sending their children off to college or celebrating their wedding, people ask for the ‘formula’.

Some want a list of courses to study. Others attempt to replicate exactly what the seemingly successful person does. This is why biographies of famous people are so popular. People are constantly scanning them for the secret sauce. But here’s the secret – someone else’s formula is not your formula. Even if you (or your parents since we must replicate the lives exactly) took down exactly the combination of factors that an Elon Musk or a Bill Gates or a Sachin Tendulkar or an Amitabh Bacchan or SRK did, and went over them in the same fashion, that would not make you, or me, them.

Formulae for life are not interchangeable. That is because you are unique. There is simply no one like you, not with your genetic make-up, your body, your composition of mind, which is a combination of thoughts, experiences, memories, emotions and perceptions, and these produce the way and mannerisms of your speech and gestures.

Those you interact with along the way, your family, siblings, friends, peers, all rub off on you to polish you just so. Nothing about you will be replicable and so for others whom we may deem a success. We cannot be them even if we do everything they do. We may know what it feels like to walk in their shoes a while. If we took a course someone else took, we may understand the information they received but we could not process it in the way they did.

Every Harvard Law School graduate doesn’t become Barack Obama. So, it’s important that rather than blindly following a list of courses or techniques, you appreciate the uniqueness that comprises you. It is only when you appreciate this facet sufficiently that you will begin to give yourself what you truly need to make your path not just successful but joyful as you go along. It’s the difference between studying a graduate degree as a follow-on to college, or applying for one a few years after working when you understand the skills you would like to hone. Most of us opt for whatever it looks like we are supposed to be doing rather than analysing what it is we actually need and that will take us to the next level in our work and lives.

If you are looking for a path to success or an area to nourish in the coming year, begin by identifying what makes you complete. Use the following steps to consolidate that view:

Ask what your comprehensive skill set is. Not just degrees and certificates. If you’re the one who trouble solves, writes your friends college SoPs, or you know everything about immigration laws, add that.

Money and responsibilities no bar, what would you do right now with your life? If you don’t have an answer, have you really thought about it?

So, when you wish you were more successful, are you running away from what you’re doing now or moving towards a clearly defined vision of whom you would like to be?

What is the one thing you do when nobody pays you or asks you to do it?  Are you taking actual steps to reach your ideal role? If you’d rather be a fashion stylist, what experience or training have you taken the time to gain?
Have you set a deadline for a goal? If it’s writing a book, by when do you envision it?

You may feel like the time has passed you by. Have you looked for current opportunities? You may not be able to join Manchester United, but you can join a Shivaji Park football group.

Write out your biography, a small paragraph that you can envision someone reading out or writing about you. What do you think is missing that you’d like included?

What is your legacy? Is it wealth, property, books, knowledge, a patent?

Go get it.

Update how you would like to be seen constantly, by your partner, peers, and self. Don’t be afraid to add to goals, or tweak them or discard those that you outgrew.