'I wish I'd died...': Andrew Flintoff reveals about mental battles after horrific car crash

Also Read - 'Jos Buttler was key to...': Anil Kumble slams Rajasthan Royals amid poor IPL 2025 season

"I didn't want to kill myself. I wouldn't mistake the two things. I was not wishing, I was just thinking, 'this would have been so much easier'."

Flintoff was behind the wheel of a Morgan Super 3, when the three-wheeled sports vehicle overturned. The former cricketer was not wearing a helmet when the open-topped automobile, that can reach speeds of up to 130 mph (209 km/h), toppled over.

Jahrad Haq, Flintoff's surgeon, compares the repair process to a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces and says the former England captain's injuries are among the five worst he has seen in 20 years.

"I remember my head got hit, I got dragged out. I went over the back of the car and it pulled my face down on the runway, about 50 metres, underneath the car," Flintoff said.

WATCH - PSL 2025: Iftikhar Ahmed accused of chucking by Colin Munro; heated exchange follows

"My biggest fear was, I didn't think I had a face. I thought my face had come off. I was frightened to death."

Flintoff, who is regarded as one of England's greatest all-rounders, suffered bodily and psychological injuries in the vehicle accident and was unable to leave his bedroom for days.

The former England all-rounder, 47, claimed that on his first morning as an assistant coach with the national team in 2023, it took him "10 goes to leave my bedroom" because of his nervousness.

"That day in Cardiff, it took me 10 goes to leave my hotel bedroom. I couldn't get out of the room," he told The Times in an interview with former England captain Mike Atherton.

"I was so anxious and worried. I eventually went down to breakfast; sat down and chatted with Reece Topley and then Jos Buttler. I had to go back to my room to get my baseball mitt and I was waiting for the lift again and heard footsteps. I knew it would be (England captain) Ben Stokes."

"I didn't really know him then. I've built a great relationship with him since, but I was anxious about that, standing in the lift with him. In the dressing room, Joe Root came over, one of the best men you'll ever meet, and everyone made me feel so welcome."

After Flintoff and the BBC reached a financial deal in 2023, Top Gear was "rested" for the foreseeable future.

However, he still harbors resentment at the entertainment society he was a part of, comparing it to his own playing career marred by injuries.

"I learned this in sport as well. All the injuries, all the injections, all the times I got sent out on a cricket field and treated like a piece of meat," he said.

"That's TV and sport. It's quite similar, you're just a commodity."

Flintoff has gradually found the drive to return to public life as head coach of the England Lions and Northern Superchargers, despite frequent memories to the accident.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be better, just different now. I'm getting there slowly," he said.

"Now I try to take the attitude that the sun will come up tomorrow and my kids will still give me a hug. I'm probably in a better place now."

Between 1998 and 2009, Flintoff played in 79 Test matches before retiring as a player in 2010 at the age of 31.