In a society steeped in patriarchy, it’s hard for men to alienate themselves from traditional ideas of masculinity. Media and popular culture are often blamed for perpetuating the idea of physically strong men, marked by dominance, lack of emotion and sexual virility. In case they fail to conform to these tropes, they fall short of being ‘real men’, and that’s where the problem lies.
Fortunately, there are a few men like engineer-turned-creative maker Rajat Mittal who’ve been consistently trying to bust the notion of ‘toxic masculinity’. His 12-part, monthly newsletter titled Boyish covers the inspirational stories of some Indian men who have defied gender stereotypes to excel in traditionally non-masculine careers, ranging from ballet dancer to makeup artiste.
Some of the men who made it to this anthology include ballet dancer Manish Chauhan, cartoonist Pran, Padman Arunachalam Muruganantham, belly dancer Eshan Hilal, zumba instructor Mohsin Syed, and makeup artist Elton Fernandez, among others.
The motivation behind Boyish stems from the struggles Mittal faced during his childhood. Although he was born to loving parents, his upbringing in the rural towns of Uttar Pradesh exposed him to the idea of male supremacy that existed in those circles.
“Men and women were expected to do different things, and I believe it was unavoidable to stay away from the conditioning then. Like most middle-class families, mine too conformed to the most traditional ideas of masculinity,” says Mittal, adding that there was a shift in his perspective only after his education and interactions with people from diverse backgrounds.
Breaking gender stereotypes
Before Boyish, Mittal had co-authored three books for young women, namely Menstrupedia: Friendly guide to healthy periods, and two editions of She Can You Can: The A-Z Book of Iconic Indian Women.
“By working on projects focused on education and empowerment of girls, I slowly began to realise that gender stereotypes hurt not just girls but boys too. This is honestly why I created Boyish. With Boyish, my aim is to unlearn my own conditioning and to invite others to think more deeply about masculinity, and how we raise boys in India,” he says.
Mittal has always been heavily involved in social impact projects, but with Boyish, he wanted to create something that can help his little son challenge the restricted idea of masculinity when he grows up, something that he missed out on.
“Each essay of Boyish is written to have an open conversation about how Indian society often squeezes out all empathy, kindness from boys to make them men, and how these boys are belittled when they perform acts of emotion. Young boys who know no better fall prey to such behaviour in their pursuit of manhood, and before they realise it, they tend to grow up to be emotionally off. Put together, the essays that comprise Boyish yearn to challenge the reader’s conditioned understanding of masculinity and help boys grow into empathic men,” he says, adding that he’s still learning about gender inclusivity and wants to do much more on this subject.
What sets Boyish apart is its endeavour to bring forth real stories of successful men, their failures, and everything in-between.
“Each person who has been interviewed has a career that’s very relevant and recognisable in today’s day and age. Most boys choose professions and lives based on how they or those around them perceive masculinity; they are bound to the demands and duties of manhood. With a poor understanding of what masculinity means, they often miss out on discovering their true and happy self,” adds Mittal.
While all stories are special, Mittal personally relates to Muruganantham’s journey and challenges.
“This is because my work with Menstrupedia was similar, and while my challenges weren’t even close to his, they were similar in nature. For instance, I have been rejected while applying for jobs, every time I decided to speak about it,” he shares.
Looking into the future
Boyish has received a warm welcome from readers looking to engage in conversations about gender roles, says Mittal. Ever since its launch in January 2021, approximately 15,000 people have visited the website.
“Each newsletter is beautifully illustrated and makes for a light read. Gender narratives can be intense for many, but Boyish is a fun, light-hearted approach, without being frivolous,” he smiles.
Although Boyish is a 12-part, monthly newsletter, there are many more stories Rajat would like to bring to his audience.
“I plan to create a mini audio/video series of guest interviews for social media, since people enjoy snackable content. I want to build a platform for men, where they can share their success stories and inspire a community,” he says.
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