Stunning model Yaya (Charlbi Dean) is posing with a forkful of spaghetti at a table on the dining deck of a very exclusive cruise, while her boyfriend, Carl (Harris Dickinson) is taking pictures. An older man, who is drinking Champagne, is observing them from the adjacent table with much amusement.
‘Aren’t you going to eat that?’
‘No. I’m gluten intolerant.’
‘So the pictures?’
Carl explains to the amused gent that she’s a huge social media influencer and they’re on board to post pictures of the cruise.
Social media influencers have an invisible target marked on their backs. And it’s not just Bollywood but now world cinema is making fun of them. And it’s at once funny and tragic how the man who claims to have become rich by selling ‘shit’ (his words!) can laugh at two beautiful young people who are using beauty to get the world to give them free things. A shirt, a hotel room, a cruise… Whyever not?
The cruise manager has prepped up her crew to say, ‘Yes, sir! Yes ma’am!’ at all times, no matter how asinine the request. Because the super rich always, almost always leave a big tip at the end of the cruise. The cleaning crew even lower in the hierarchy, roll their eyes at the elated thumping of the floor when the inspired crew chant, ‘Money! Money!’
Writer-Director Ruben Ostlund makes a point and hammers and hammers and hammers it through the movie. He offers a roller-coaster ride that will keep you entertained and horrified at the same time.
The excesses of the super rich are kosher even though the means by which they earned their millions may not be. As a very genial British couple confess to Carl, ‘When the United Nations made these ridiculous rules about banning land mines, we had to cut down on our expenses… Thank goodness grenades are still in demand.’
On the other hand, do the super rich know how to do anything with their hands? For survival? Of course the $250 million yacht is doomed. Not because the Captain is drunk, or because the super rich are champagne-addled mindless zombies addicted to their money (and what it can buy), but because life has not prepared them for anything else but epicurean living.
Do not plan a champagne brunch or a caviar dinner after the film. Because the disaster that strikes the cruise is that of a gastronomical kind. The director sort of goes overboard with the projectile hurling, the emitting, and the prayers to the porcelain gods to make a point, but his excesses are preparing us for the battle to survive…
And even when there’s upchucking (it gets really hard to watch), the director injects humour that is a tad Monty Pythonesque. Remember John Cleese’s Maitre D’ offering a tiny mint wafer to the super overweight customer who has eaten everything on the menu, who then literally explodes? This is just that but more. Indigestible feast for the eyes. But for the ears? I laughed inappropriately at the scene where the customer who is offered water to lessen her seasickness, and despite her upchucking she only wants champagne to wash it down instead of water…
Osterlund plays with the tilting of the camera back and forth so much that you begin to feel seasick. But you’re Woody Harrelson, a seasoned sea-farer, totally unfazed by the rough weather because he’s high on alcohol and has eaten only a burger while the customers have had a fancy chef’s menu with emulsions and reductions.
When the passengers who survive the next disaster find themselves marooned on an island, the tables are turned. The idle rich have to bow down to the one woman hitherto unseen because Abigail who was just the toilet manager is the only one who knows how to fish, make fire, cook and yes, survive. Dolly de Leon plays Abigail to perfection. She’s tiny when compared to the white folk who have survived, but they’re at her mercy. She will throw a piece of fish only if…
Your little democratic heart will be elated at the role reversal even though the racism and classism does not end. You are outraged when the survivors accuse the only black man who survived the crash (because he was sleeping in the engine room) of being a pirate because of his skin colour… You want revenge.
You get it too, until you realise that the director has just taught you a lesson about corruption and power. And yes, the seduction of pretzel sticks. This Palme d’Or winning film releases March 3 in a theatre near you. Watch it before you post food pictures on Instagram from your holiday in the Bahamas…
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