When maths fear is learned at home, not school

Children are sharp observers. When they see a parent tense up around numbers, they learn that maths is something stressful, something to avoid, something people either “get” or don’t. Over time, that belief can turn into self doubt, even in children who are doing perfectly well at school.

This seems to affect girls more strongly. The survey suggests daughters are particularly likely to absorb their mother’s anxiety and mirror it. Not because mothers are doing anything wrong, but because children tend to model themselves on parents they identify with most closely.

The irony is that maths anxiety has very little to do with actual ability. Many adults who say they are “bad at maths” did fine at it once. The fear usually comes from early experiences of embarrassment, pressure, or being told, directly or indirectly, that maths just “wasn’t for them.”

That emotional baggage does not disappear. It shows up years later at the kitchen table.

The good news is that passing on confidence does not require parents to suddenly love maths or remember everything they learned in school. What seems to matter most is language and attitude. Saying “let’s try this together” instead of “I can’t do this” changes the tone. Treating mistakes as normal rather than proof of failure makes maths feel less intimidating.

Experts often point out that children do not need perfect explanations. They need to see that struggling with a problem is acceptable and temporary, not a verdict on intelligence.

The survey’s findings are less about blaming parents and more about noticing a pattern that is easy to miss. Maths fear is rarely taught outright. It is absorbed, quietly, through tone, reactions and offhand comments.

If that fear can be learned, it can also be unlearned. Sometimes, the shift begins not with a workbook or a tutor, but with a parent choosing different words in a small, ordinary moment.