When someone says ‘it’s a musical film’, what do you imagine? Indrasabha had 72 songs. Then came Hum Aapke Hain Koun, Silsila, Taal, Tere Naam, Devdas, Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam and so on, right? Wrong. Now the word ‘Musical’ is being usurped by a music director to sell us a movie about terrorists ‘hijacking’ a mall.
‘What?!’ You ask, ‘Are the terrorists doing a Riverdance? Do they dress up in clothes from a high-end store and sing, "I like to be in America, Everything free in America" like they do in West Side Story? Or do they look longingly at the mannequins in the mall stores and sing, "Pyar hame kis mod pe le aaya" as they did in Satte Pe Satta? Do they dance with their AK47s?'
We are all wrong, alas. This is Dawn of the Dead minus the zombies. It is the audience that watches a movie that has a story older than Vijay himself. And why is it billed as a comedy? The humour does not translate into Hindi at all. The annoying ‘paati’ (granny), who cannot stop talking even though terrorists have told all hostages to sit quietly, getting shot is hardly funny. This is so unfunny, I thanked my stars I didn’t see a ‘henpecked husband saying thank you to the terrorist when his annoying wife is shot’ joke in the film. The best lines, though, were given to the deadpan handler/negotiator Althaf (played with aplomb by Selvaraghavan) who does not leave any opportunity to poke fun at the opportunistic minister (many sly digs are made at politicians today!)
So Vijay is traumatised because a little girl who ran after a balloon was collateral damage from a rocket that blew up a car that was to carry the baddie in Pakistan-occupied Kashmir (the Hindi title cards are enough to traumatise anyone!). Back in Chennai, he goes to the elderly doc like clockwork. What motivates Pooja Hegde’s character to say the things she says to Vijay at the wedding reception? What work does she do at the security firm which employs only doddering sleepy men? But the filmmakers assume you are there for Vijay, so nothing else matters. Leave your logic behind at home.
Want another example? What’s an Arabic song (men in thobes dancing with boom boxes, and some dressed as if they emerged from the Pharaoh's court, even dancers wearing a moon on their heads…) doing at a Chennai wedding?
The story is about Vijay being at the mall with the owner of the security firm, Pooja Hegde, and an old man who was employed as a security guard exactly when the terrorists take over the mall to demand India release a terrorist Vijay had captured a year ago…
Vijay leads these guys to safety (don’t forget there’s an annoying fiancé who has Pooja Hegde’s face tattooed on his torso! He’s supposed to be comic relief…). Then fights like an army of terrorists in the rest of the movie.
There are bizarre stunts like Vijay’s double-skating to kick and stab terrorists who, by the way, are armed to the teeth with guns and bullets and knives and grenades, but not one ‘civilian’ is harmed (except the poor granny who spoke!). By now even the staunchest of fans - those who insist Vijay performed all the stunts himself - are also clutching at their ears because of the dhinchak- dhinchak music that accompanies every stab, every bullet, every stylish loading of the shotgun by Vijay.
Poor Ankur Vikal! Half the movie he wears a weird Halloween mask, be the baddie and then get beaten up by Vijay. Plus, his mayo and ketchup filled sandwiches get eaten by Vijay and the creepy politician. What a life! You’d think they’re done with the terrorists bit when all the hostages are freed and so on, but no! Vijay has to bring back the big bad terrorist (it was good to see an old-timer Lilliput play a terrorist kingpin) from - you guessed it - a terrorist training camp in Pakistan-occupied Kashmir. Vijay gets to play Top Gun, dodging Pakistani missiles and fighter jets and finally the Indian government intervenes and Vijay wins!
You will love Vijay's pristine white shirt, but everything else - including the dub in Hindi - is so out of whack, you will try not to look at the mouths speaking the dialogue...
I was too numb to leave when the mindless beach song came on, but the cleaning crew nudged me towards the exit. I survived! I sincerely hope for the day when we shall find newer villains and newer places to shoot our movies. Suddenly I miss ‘mass’ dance numbers by Prabhu Deva and Rajinikanth, and Vijay dancing to silly songs like, ‘Mac-mac-mac-macarena!’ (Kushi was a rom-com).
Beast released in theatres on April 13, 2022.
Discover the latest Business News, Sensex, and Nifty updates. Obtain Personal Finance insights, tax queries, and expert opinions on Moneycontrol or download the Moneycontrol App to stay updated!
