MC Travel Special | People watching on a cruise

What can be more romantic than sailing off into the sunset or spotting dolphins for breakfast? Newly weds and people-in-love are everywhere on cruise ships - holding hands all the time, even when this makes it difficult for others to walk around them. You'll especially find them in all the good selfie spots and on the pool deck with a fruity cocktail in their newly manicured hands.  

Buffet pros

They are easy to identify. Just look for anyone carrying more than one heaping plates of food at one time. They're known for taking off with the last garlic naan, pizza pie or chocolate pastry, which wouldn't be so bad if they didn't do it so often. They also race around the buffet, cutting lines and bumping into everyone. 

Gloria onboard 

Seen Modern Family? There is always a Gloria (Sofía Vergara) onboard in a glamorous cocktail dress with daring neckline and the occasional flash of leg. On this cruise, too, I spotted a Gloria dripping in Dior and bossing around her moneyed husband. Outspoken and feisty, she ran the crew like they were her personal tribe. I would almost always spot her by the pool bar, nursing a margarita while keeping an eye on the harrowed husband.

Family with the brats

I am not a child-hater, but the constantly exhausted, yelling parents and their whining and tantrum-throwing children can get annoying. These parents are often found at the bar or on the deck with Long Island Ice Teas in hand, soaking up every ounce of relaxation as though they left the kids back home with grandma. The brats in the meantime are playing with things that are definitely not toys (like the elevators) or grabbing all of the food off the buffet with their sticky, juice-covered hands.

Chair hoggers

This one is a tricky type, since you probably won't actually see the hogs themselves. On many ships, there aren’t enough poolside lounge chairs to go around. The hoggers generally tend to put their stuff down on the pool chair in the morning and then disappear for hours - to breakfast, the gym, the spa, for lunch... Then there are those who leave every piece of clothing and accessories like bags and bottles to hold seats for their buddies in the theatre to watch the magician. Indeed, the ‘chair savers’ are a breed of their own. Pro tip: Gently round up the offending items and hand them over to the attendant for safekeeping until their owner can reclaim them. If you're feeling extra feisty, hide the towel elsewhere on the pool deck. 

(Photo courtesy Empress by Cordelia Cruises)

The loner

Screaming children, hopelessly-in-love couples, drunk colleagues and laughing groups of friends made up most of the passengers on my cruise. But there was also a loner sitting contentedly amidst the chaos. This dude could usually be found on one of the ship’s many side decks, staring into the open ocean. Sometimes with a book in hand and a warm beverage on the side. 

The reunioners

These can be spotted from a mile away. How? Well, they always move in packs of ten or more, and never wear anything besides matching reunion T-shirts (how many of those shirts did they bring?). These could be ex-colleagues, college friends on a reunion or just boys on a bachelorette. Their drunken loudness and debauchery would often get to me. But they were always happy and harmless. The best place to find them is anywhere there is alcohol.

The influencer onboard

If you spot a selfie stick/Go Pro wielding cruiser taking photos every two minutes, Instagramming every meal (yes, even at the buffet) and pulling some pensive poses like they have just discovered an entirely new destination, know that it’s the ‘self proclaimed’ influencer. You'll often spot them clasping a martini and hobnobbing with the ship's officers in their finest dresses or requesting cast members for selfies immediately after their performances. All said and done, their photo stunts are highly entertaining.