When Mumbai researcher Varun Aggarwala turned up for Parent-Teacher Association (PTA) meeting at his daughter's school, he was taken aback to find that apart from him, only one other father was present in the classroom with 27 mothers.
The shocked parent shared a photo of the classroom in Podar International School and commented on how men remain largely absent from sharing parenting responsibilities equally with women.
"I don't like the Indian style of parenting where men are largely absent from child-rearing duties," Aggarwala wrote in a now-deleted tweet. "At my daughter's PTA meeting and it feels very weird to see 2 fathers (including me) and 27 mothers in a school meeting. No wonder NRI Indian women don't want to marry Desi boys."
He added that the meeting was held to discuss school curriculum and fundraising, not the children's performance.
Elaborating on the qualification and accomplishments of the mothers present in the room, Aggarwala said, "Everyone in the school is in upper-middle-income bracket. Most of the moms had an MBA and were working at places like Deloitte or ICICI. Very few had 2 kids. Still no expectations from SIRS to show up and/or contribute to anything (besides income)."
Speaking about his family, the researcher wrote, "We do equal co-parenting and my professor wifey was busy with research and taking care of our 2-year-old."
When a Twitter user commented that there is no need to criticise "Desi men or NRI women" because it's the same situation in several locations, especially in Europe, Aggarwala replied, "I am familiar with NYC and in our G&T school the fathers were heavily involved. Maybe because people in the US don't like to have kids, so there is a huge selection effect and parents in good neighborhoods are really involved in parenting."
The tweet, however, ignited a debate on parenting.
"Ain’t it too preposterous to have that judgment based on one photograph of PTA? There can be multiple reasons for their absence! In my limited experience as a father of a 3-year-old, I don’t miss PTA and also request the school to keep it on weekends so able to attend it," commented Kumar Manish (@kumarmanish9).
Another Twitter user, Shripal Gandhi (@thealtruist_in) wrote, "To an extent I agree with what Varun has said. I attended every TPC for my daughter, often driving down from Mumbai just for that. Right from prep school till her 5th grade, I attended every TPC and event."
"I was amongst the handful of fathers who were always present for their respective child's TPC, regardless of time or day. Most men refused to come on the grounds of business meetings or important work. I can understand the business pressure and meetings, but schools give intimations sufficiently in advance for these meets so the schedule can be prepared accordingly," he added. "It's simple. It's all about priorities, for, if one can plan and remain present for business meetings, then there can be nothing more important than one's family."
Read more: Mother mocks son’s teacher for riding cycle to school: ‘He’s sat in BMW since birth’
Speaking about the level of involvement parents should have in a school-going, President of India Wide Parents Association, child rights activist, and lawyer Anubha Shrivastava Sahai said, "I feel involvement of both mother and father is very important. When students feel supported at home and school, they develop more positive attitudes about school, have more self-confidence, and place a higher priority on academic achievement. Children of involved parents are more likely to feel that they’re accepted, included, and respected at school."
She added that after the introduction of PTA in schools, mothers have started taking more interest in their wards' day-to-day activities at school.
"This trend is growing and will definitely help not only the student but also the school," advocate Sahai said. "Working or non-working both are now taking out time for school and they are more connected with school teachers as compared to working fathers."
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