Rakhi strategy: In war, dysfunctional families and Bollywood

Brothers and sisters in India have a social obligation to appear close, very close. Since it is a matter of familial pride, everyone is ready to leave property hassles and ‘who got the bigger laddoo on nani’s shraadh’ behind. So blinding are the smiles between siblings and so fun their sparring, they are often mistaken for a couple. Spouses can never get the inside jokes or remember random childhood events. The magic circle consists of siblings and first cousins who grew up together, hate the same relatives, and know each other’s secrets.

Historically, rakhi has been a conciliatory tool and a future investment as well as a symbol of sacred blood ties. When Alexander the Great attacked India in 326 BCE, his wife sent a rakhi to Porus, king of the Pauravas, so that her husband would come to no harm. The rakhi here was almost a war strategy. Chittor queen Karnavati’s rakhi to Humayun was to protect herself from Bahadur Shah. And then in 1905, Rabindra Nath Tagore set aside Raksha Bandhan Day to mark the brotherhood between Hindus and Muslims.

The rakhi became a coy circlet in Hindi films. Nanda is pictured singing, ‘Bhaiyya mere, rakhi ke bandhan ko nibhana’ to Balraj Sahni in the film Chhoti Behen in 1959. Perhaps fearing a man’s affections, not to mention bank balance, being channelled solely to his wife and kids post-marriage, sociological thinking created means to keep the groom’s family around. This also enabled lovers to hang out in public places in the days of yore – when the moral police were on duty 24x7 – by introducing each other as a cousin brother or sister. Which led to the classic proverb, din ko bhaiyya, raat ko saiyya. As opposed, one supposes, to the state of affairs between spouses: din ko saiyya, raat ko bhaiyya.

Apart from how this ornamental bracelet, marketed in many fancy ways, is loaded with emotional contexts, with even dysfunctional families playing it up to the hilt, platonic friendships are also accorded the dignity of a rakhi. Muh bola bhai is a sub-section of brothers; a desi version of friend-zoning is brother-zoning. ‘You are like my brother only,’ countless women tell men – disappointed men who know they are condemned to a lifetime of annual gift-giving. Come Raksha Bandhan day, the sister will perkily appear on his timeline. Sometimes the quote-unquote brother steps up. The funeral rites of Jhansi ki Rani were performed by her muh bola brother Nawab Bahadur.