Flawed, chipped and broken. It’s hard to associate such words with someone like Neena Gupta. However, that is how the National Award-winning actress thought of herself for a considerable time.
In her recently released autobiography Sach Kahun Toh (published by Penguin Random House), Gupta shares how the media has often used epithets such as "unapologetic", "the original rebel" and "self-confident" for her. "The media doesn’t know me. Nobody knows the real me," she writes.
Thus, the book.
Ask her if it took a lot for her to lay bare her life and admit the mistakes she has made, and she responds, “Not at all, and that is the reason I have survived in this industry. Every time I made a mistake or somebody did something wrong to me, I told myself ‘it is I who is the fool’. Nobody can take advantage of you unless you let them. I tell myself that I will not commit the same mistake again. We all learn from our mistakes. And some of us, including me, don’t even do that,” she says.
Turning point
Gupta, 62, says she has been trying to write this book for the past 15 years but it was only last year, when she was stuck in her Mukteshwar home during the first lockdown, that she could finish it.
Analysing why she felt comfortable sharing her life journey with readers now, Gupta credits it to her new-found success post Badhaai Ho (2018).
The actress, who has been part of notable films like Gandhi, Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron, Mandi, Mirza Ghalib and Suraj Ka Satvan Ghoda, and has played some iconic characters on television, rues that she never became a superstar because she was never offered main roles in films. However, Badhaai Ho, where she played a middle-aged mother who becomes pregnant unexpectedly, turned things around once again.
“Success is a very interesting thing,” she says. “Just the way a housewife feels her success is in how well she raised her kids or how well she has kept her house, the same way, the success of the film gave me the confidence to talk about myself.”
Cinema-scape
Gupta says she knows that some people might read her book for "the juicy bits", where she talks about her relationships and the controversies in her life – she had a child out of wedlock with former West Indies cricketer Vivian Richards, leading to many a raised eyebrows – but there is much to appreciate in this account of Gupta’s life.
From her middle-class childhood in Delhi’s Karol Bagh to summer vacations spent in Nainital and embracing her "inner bhenji" (she studied Sanskrit, which was considered less than cool by some) in college to her short-lived first marriage to fellow student Amlan Kusum Ghose and her experience at the National School of Drama – the book lives up to its title. There is an honesty when she admits to some of the poor decisions she made or analyses her low self-esteem and the consequences it for her life.
However, it is the portions in which she talks about her initial days of struggle to get even small roles and her experiences on the sets of big films that the account truly shines. From struggling to get acting work in the initial days after shifting base to Bombay, to finally landing a role in the full-length feature film Saath Saath - accepting this role turned out to be a misstep, as it saddled her with the stereotype of "lallu ladki" (silly girl) for a long time - the anecdotal narrative offers insights into her life as well as the world of cinema.
Needless to say, her memories of shooting for the iconic film Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron make for an interesting read. “What a crazy time we had shooting for that movie!” she says about Kundan Shah’s black comedy also starring Naseeruddin Shah, Ravi Baswani, Satish Shah, Om Puri, Pankaj Kapur, Bhakti Barwe and Satish Kaushik, among others.
Revealing that initially hers was supposed to be a bigger role, with a romantic angle thrown in opposite Baswani, it was cut to maintain the film’s length. Nevertheless, it was one of the most memorable shoots of her life. “Right from Satish to Om to Ravi, everyone had a terrific sense of humour and we would do so much masti on the sets. Bechara Kundan chilla chilla ke pareshaan ho jaata tha (Poor Kundan, he got tired of trying to keep us in check)!” she laughs at the memory.
From wearing her own clothes to carrying sandwiches for lunch, the shoot of the movie felt like a rehearsal for a play to Gupta. “So many of us were new and wanted to give our best. It was a great experience,” she shares.
Better times
Gupta’s marriage to businessman Vivek Mehra led to assumptions that she had shifted bags and baggage to the capital. By now, everyone is aware of the post she put up on Instagram, reminding people that she is a good actor and is open to work. Badhaai Ho happened soon after.
In retrospect, does she see putting herself out there to ask for work as an act of bravery? “Not at all!” she exclaims. The post was an outcome of the frustration she felt at not receiving acting offers. “I have suffered in the film industry because I was too shy to ask for work and that doesn’t work here. In fact, that doesn’t work anywhere,” she adds.
The actress seems to have found her groove again with movies such as Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan, Sandeep Aur Pinky Faraar and Sardar Ka Grandson. A long-standing dream of working with Amitabh Bachchan has come true with the upcoming movie Goodbye, where she plays his wife. “I can’t believe that I am working with him. It still feels like a dream,” she smiles.
In the OTT space, shows such as Panchayat and Masaba Masaba have given her another platform to showcase her talent. The scripts for the second seasons of the shows are ready and Gupta is looking forward to them, as well as being a part of another series directed by Kaashvi Nair. “For me, it is all about a good role. Whether it is in theatre, television, digital or films, I am game for it,” says the veteran artiste.
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