Nobel Peace Prize laureate Malala Yousafzai has spoken candidly about a mental health episode that forced her to confront the trauma she thought she had left behind. In a recent interview with The Guardian, the 28-year-old activist revealed that a seemingly ordinary evening with friends at the University of Oxford took a terrifying turn after she tried marijuana for the first time.
The experience, she said, unexpectedly unlocked memories of the Taliban attack that nearly took her life 13 years ago. “Everything changed forever after that (night). I had never felt so close to the attack as then, in that moment. I felt like I was reliving all of it, and there was a time when I just thought I was in the afterlife,” Malala recalled.
She described how, after using a bong -- a water pipe commonly used for smoking marijuana -- she lost consciousness and had to be carried to her room by a friend. The sensation, she explained, brought back vivid images of the 2012 shooting that she had long suppressed. “Out of nowhere, the images I had seen in the coma flashed before my eyes again: Bus. Man. Gun. Blood. It was like seeing it all for the first time, fresh waves of panic coursing through my body. There was no escape, no place to hide from my own mind,” she said.
Malala revealed that her brain had blocked out the memory of the shooting in Pakistan’s Swat Valley, where a Taliban gunman boarded her school bus and shot her in the head for advocating girls’ education. She was only 15 at the time. After being flown to the United Kingdom for treatment, she recovered and went on to become one of the world’s most prominent voices for girls’ rights.
However, the Oxford episode made her realise that the trauma had never truly left. Following the incident, Malala began experiencing panic attacks, insomnia, and physical symptoms of anxiety such as trembling and a racing heartbeat. Therapy, she said, helped her understand that her breakdown stemmed from unresolved childhood trauma combined with academic pressure.
“With guidance from my therapist, I began to process the flashbacks and overwhelming emotions,” she told The Guardian. “I came to realise that the stress of exams, along with long-suppressed childhood memories, had become too much to cope with all at once.”
Reflecting on her journey, Malala said that surviving the shooting had once made her believe she was immune to fear. “I survived an attack, and nothing happened to me, and I laughed it off. I thought nothing could scare me, nothing. My heart was so strong. And then I was scared of small things, and that just broke me,” she said. “But, you know, in this journey I realised what it means to be actually brave. When you can not only fight the real threats out there, but fight within.”
Now an education advocate and founder of the Malala Fund, she continues to face public scrutiny, something she acknowledges openly. She admitted that revealing her marijuana experience might draw criticism, but said she does not plan to issue any clarifications. “I know there will be reactions, but I’m letting the book speak for itself,” she said.
Malala’s upcoming memoir, Finding My Way, a follow-up to her 2013 bestseller I Am Malala, delves deeper into her adult life, including her marriage to Pakistani cricket manager Asser Malik. The couple have also co-founded Recess, a new initiative aimed at promoting women’s participation in sports.
The 2012 attack that changed her life remains central to her story. Malala suffered severe head injuries, a fractured jaw, and damage to her facial nerve and eardrum when she was shot at close range. The Taliban’s attempt to silence her instead turned her into a global symbol of resilience and defiance -- one who continues to speak not only about education and equality but also about the unhealed wounds left by violence.
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