Year Ender 2023: Funnycontrol’s 5 major financial news from this year

Hindenburg: The year started with Adani almost being parted from his Armani because of the relentless revelations and short-selling by Hindenburg. It felt a lot like a multi-billion dollar rap battle that got way out of hand. But as the stocks have slowly recovered from the initial slump one can imagine a happy Adani shareholder rapping somewhere to “Apna Time Aega”

Pivot ya Palat: This was a question being screamed across the financial markets at Jerome Powell as many an investing SRK tried to predict when their Federal Reserve Kajol would pivot. Jerome did pivot and many an investor started playing their rate cut guitar and romancing their portfolios with bonds and equities. Now let’s find out if the late Amrish Puri resurfaces as inflation in 2024 or will he finally let us all heave a sigh of relief with “Jaa rupee, jee le apni zindagi”

Finfluencers finished? Finfluencers are not influencers from Finland as the name may suggest. Although many of them are happy to sound European even when they are tweeting from Bhandup. Unfortunately for them , the market regulator decided she had heard one ad of “BUY MY GUARANTEED OPTIONS & FUTURES COURSE to GUARANTEE MY FUTURE AND A FUTURE WITHOUT OPTIONS FOR YOU HAHA” too many and decided to crack down on this ponzi scheme meets reality TV meets financial mis-selling on a scale that would have made even the late Harshad Mehta chuckle.

The name is Bond. Portfolio bond: 2023 was the year bonds were expected to collapse because inflation would obviously shoot through the roof and mothers would have to sell their babies to fund their Nykaa makeup for their Instagram selfies. 2023 was also the year when bonds would soar because obviously there would be a huge recession and the Fed would drop rates like celebrities drop their scruples when it comes to brand endorsements. Of course, what really happened can be best stated with the title of my 2nd 1 hour solo standup special “The truth was somewhere in the middle”. (My first one-hour solo standup special is presently being investigated by SEBI for being too bearish on humour). There was also a “will they, won’t they” suspense of India’s inclusion in the JP Morgan Bond index. But, perhaps\, a good way to hedge your bets in 2024 would be to hold an internationally diversified vodka martini of government bonds, shaken not stirred by speculation.